The BEAUTIES of all the MAGAZINES SELECTED, For JANUARY, 1763. Continuation of the HISTORY of EXCHANGE ALLEY. S foon as we entered Exchange Alley, it seem'd to me, that we were landed upon a new discovered Cóntinent, whofe inhabitants, by their looks and geftures, and running backwards and forwards, and joftling each other, were as yet unciviliz'd, and they jabber'd in an unknown language, and their faces spoke their minds to be all confusion. But we were only then attentive to the Overture of the Entertainment, it was not until we were feated in Jonathan's, that we could properly fay, we faw or heard any thing worth notice; but then-good gods-ye poetical fpirits of Harmony, Politenefs, Literature, and all the other Scientific Genii, whofe inspirations snatch humankind from the level of Brutes, and feat him upon Wifdom's throne. None of ye, ye fancy-born immortals, none of you ever yet, I'm fure, enter'd this coffee-room of clamour. Nothing was to be heard, but a continued repetition of Long, Long, Long -Navy, Navy, Navy, Navy 4 per Cents. 4 per Cents. India bonds, bonds, bonds, bonds, &c. while a fpruce spark in the bar, prink'd out like a funday 'prentice, kept bawling out, Ifaac, Jacobs, Mordecai, Ifrael, &c. fo that the babble of Billingsgate, the sonfufion among the female retailers of Rag Fair, the clamours of a Cockpit, the uproar of Elections, are but fimple founds, to the incessant outcries in that Coffee-room. It was with fome difficulty, and keeping very close to my friend Scrip, that I could get through the crowd, the room was fo full; after much fqueezing, we pass'd the Straits, and fafely landed at the bench under the clock, which, by. great chance, happen'd at that moment to be empty. A waiter came up to us primly dreffed, and pert as a pimp at the Shakefpear, to know what we wanted, we must not stay there without paying 6d. per piece, he told me. Very well, my answer was, there's a fhilling for this gentleman and myfelf; I fuppofe we are to have a difh of coffee. Sir, replies the rafcal of a waiter, no coffee here; and if you don't like to ftay here without coffee, you must go our, you don't belong here, and there's nobody wants to have you here. No, Although I expected to be shock'd at every think I met with in this place, yet, I confefs, this infolence, from fuch a fcoundrel, provok d me to that degree, I was going to knock him down; but Mr. Scrip ftopp'd my hands, whifpering me, for God's fake, think where you are, nor be furprized when you find yourfelf upon a dunghill, you thould be offended with ill scents. men, While we were feated in this box, a poek mark'd young fellow feated himfelf, without ceremony, by me, and another fettled himself by the fide of Scrip, making no apology of, gentleI hope we don't interrupt you, or will you give us leave; but with an addrefs as indelicate as a couple of Dutchmen, down they fquatted; talk'd about buying and felling for a few minutes, and rose up again, bawling out, Scrip, Scrip, Long, Long, Long, Long, and made two more voices in filling up the cry. When they were gone, I could not help remarking on the rudeness of their behaviour. But my friend replied, that the Stock-jobbers at Jonathan's were as much strangers to modefty and good manners, as they were to learning and integrity; and that as we only came there to make obfervations, the more odd incidents we met with the better. Still the noife of their hawking Scrip, and Annuities, and Lottery Tickets, continued, just as runners cry the Evening Papers; or as black-guards at Newmarket-meeting, bawl about the lifts of horfes. A fellow paffed by us with his under lip dangling down. and by the thicknefs of it, it fhew'd, that it was too heavy to be brought up to act in contact with the upper one; but as Providence forms nothing in vain, his chin was turned up with a proper curve, for his nether lip's refting-place. As I was directing my view to the 'door, a fellow ftepp'd in, feemingly in 'a great hurry, his foot tripp'd, and for'wards he fell into the room, his head pitch'd against a little copper countenanc'd pigmy's mouth, who was that inftant fqueaking Confolds, Confolds, 'both fell down, and dash'd out of a third perfon's hand a pocket book: the owner ftooping to pick it up, received the heel of a very heavy fellow's fhoe upon all four of his fingers, his fhrieking, and the diminutive who had been thrown, fwearing at the fame time, added, if poffible, to the diabolic diffonancy. I was furpriz'd to fee in the room fo many lads; fchool boys I took them to be, the eldeft did not seem to have reached his 15th year yet; and I ask'd Scrip, what business those children had there? Thofe, Sir, he replied, are the young fry, that are nibbling about the edges by and by they will beof the pool. come great pike, like their relations, that you fee are continually moving up and down here. They bring these novices here fo young, to callous their tender minds betimes against all humane, generous, focial fentiments; and by initiating them fo young into the fecret myfteries of ftock-jobbing, the pupils are taught to confider the actions committed here by their fathers, brothers, uncles, or other relations, not as villanous, pitiful, or false, but strátagems of trade, and which, when they come to be men, they must put in practice; and by that means, thefe juniors will then keep country houfes, and postchariots, relith turtle, pine-apples and tokay, as well as the fenior jobbers before them. The next we took notice of, had his upper lip drawn up by an involuntary grin, and he exposed a set of very broad irregular white teeth; his mouth being of a livid colour, appeared like an old wound, the edges of which were shrunk back, and the bone left bare. Another stood with his back to us, with a large bushy bob, frizz'd out as stiff as so many entangled wires; when he turn'd himfelf to look on us, his face, I'm certain, was not above the dimentions of a twelvemonth old infant he look'd fo filly in features, and yet fo confequential in caxin; he was talking to a tall Roman nofed figure, whofe cheek-bones ftood out like a bruifer's, his noftrils charged with fuch a quantity of fnuff, that his upper lip feemed armed with mahogany colour'd whiskers. Clofe to him ftcod à full fed figure, round faced, double chinn'd, with imall eyes, and a fimper upon his face, as unancaning, and ideot like, as the he, he, he! of a milkmaid when prais'd by her her betters. He feem'd to be very attentive to a pitiful looking fellow, whofe face was ftrongly wrinkled, bronzed with dirt, and pitted deeply with the fmall pox, like the profile of a face upon a ruft impair'd medal. In the next box to us fat a man with as fhabby a bag wig, as ever poor fhirtlefs ftrolling player caper'd Lord Foppington in. His companion wore his own hair, if the hair was worth owning, it was as short as his ears, and the thinnest crop I ever faw upon a fcull Nature, I believe, had a mind by that to give a proof of her œconomy, not allowing an abundance of thatch to the barn, the never intended should hold any grain. By this time the noise had made my head ach fo much, I begg'd Scrip, he would let us make the best of our way out, which I did with as much joy, as ever an insolvent left confinement, and bid adieu to their Bulls, Bears, Scrips, 4 per Cents, and Confolidatings; I had feen and heard enough; and from what I have fince known, am impowered to make the following obfervations. CHAP. The greatest felicity mankind can claim, out fente of thame. We should imagine, that the group of Jonathan's Jobbers fat to the poet for that defcription; their infufceptibility, their effrontery, and felf-fufficiency, are too fecure batteries for them, ever to be effected by the sharp darts of fatire, or gall'd into a retrofpection of their paft life, to imbitter their future days with remorse. It is not the labour in vain of endeavouring to make them better, that the author has taken the trouble of drawing up, in a hafty manner, these anecdotes-no-it is with an honest intent, of preventing them from making other people worf. I remember, under a print of Seymour's representing a horfe-dealer fhewing his ftud to a gentleman, thefe words are wrote, CAVEAT EMPTOR. It is a motto that would be extremely proper to be fixed up in large letters at every entrance of Exchange Alley pretty frt of a fcoundrel fcribbler this is-obferves Mr. Confolidator-And Jo, I fuppof, this illiterate fellow, because be has no mo ey of his own, would never have any body else buy in, and be d-d to him? The term Jobb and Jobbers carry an ignominious explanation along with them. What can be a more contemptible character than a Beast-jobber, a Horsejobber, or a Sheep-jobber-except a Stock-jobber. - In our auguft houfe of parliament, the word jobb is never made use of, but to express an action thoroughly base. What can be a greater reproach than to fay, fuch an one will undertake any jobb-such a thing is turned into a jobb even among the lowest class of maukind, is it not a phrase in common to fay, I'll do his jobb? which fignifies doing him a piece of mischief fecretly. Yet there is no place, I believe, where the word Honour is more frequently used than in the Alley. But it is repeated as hypocrites do the word religion, not for the fake of the thing itself, but to ferve their own purposes. Honour is the mock phrafe for deceit; there is not a proftitute, let her be ever fo abandoned, but that will fwear to you upon her honour. Not a gambler, even the most notorious, but who will vow to you, he plays upon his honour. As to the GAMBLER and STOCKJOBBER, not to offend either of thofe remarkable fraternities, the Editor will endeavour, by confidering the merits of each, to fhew how much the two profeflions are analagous. A Gambler is one, who accumulates wealth in contradiction to the known laws of this land; and even in open defiance of them, either by dithonou rable combinations, making ufe of false dice; or by pretending to be a friend to the perfon whom he intends to piun-. der. He perfuades his bubble, that he will infure him a certain fate way of B 2 getting getting a fum of money. This is the cant of those who go about the country, defrauding the unwary, with the game called, Pricking at the belt. Now let us confider, how far any part of this defcription will fuit a common Stock-jobber. This last mentioned adept in fharping, gets money in defiance and contradiction to the laws of this land; and endeavours to take advantage of the credulity of the public, by entering into difhonourable combinations, as the Gambler makes ufe of falfe dice, the · Stock jobber makes use of falle intelligences. Such is the fafcinating quality of gaming, that a fharper fhall be admin ted into polite company, although they know he has no other method of fupporting himself, than Gambling; yet their vanity fo far flatters them, they imagine, he must behave like a man of honour, when he plays with them. This, in fome part, is a retemblance of Stock-jobbers, and the dupes or bubbles who employ them. The money'd man, or more properly the man who has got fome hundreds before hand, and like the farmer, whofe hen laid h m a golden egg daily; but the husbandman wanting at once to be enriched, ripped up the fowl, to get all the wealth without waiting for it. So does the tradefman, who commences dealer at Jonathan's; he would win all at once; he is certain there is a great deal of fharping in the Alley; and that the Jobbers are concerned in it. What then? He has got a Jobber he can truft. His Broker won't deceive him; he is cunning himself; he can fee, can fee: it is my Stock-jobber's intereft to be honeft to me; he has prov'd that, as plain as noon day, he maft behave upon honour to me.-It is amazing, how much the human mind may be deceived, by a fupercilioufnels of behaviour; and how credulity can he cultivated by cunning.-I have myfelf heard an infolvent, in the fpunginghoufe, declare, he was fure the bailif who arrested him had a deal of com paffion for him; and would do any thing for him; because (continued the unhappy dupe) he gave me his word and honour of it. A Gambler may fometimes have an acquaintance, which it would be impolitic for him to win money of, in propria perfona; therefore he has another way to take in his very particular friend. He first lets him into a fecret or two, at the races, by which he puts five or ten pieces in his friend's pocket ; and then he fhows this very particular friend fome common tricks at cards; which feem to the novice as great things the youth's tranfported, dreams of winning an eftate, thanks his friend the Gambler a thousand and a thousand times, and fets out for the turf, fure of making his fortune. But there, by his tutor's contrivances, is a brother Gambler planted, who knowing rather more than the pupil, leaves the would-be-sporting-man without a penny.--I hope none of my readers will at this passage shut the book up, and fay with a figh, or indeed with an oath, I have been served juft jo. Just fo do the Stock-jobbers deal with their intimates; for a proof of which, enquire among the bankrupts, who have been rendered fo, within these last fifteen years, in and about London. To prevent this contagion, if poffible, from being univerfally felt, this Treatife is wrote, with an endeavour to hinder this nation from being so illegally impofed upon. The end of the Editor's publishing this Piece is answered, if the unexperienced will, by this means, be deterred from the abfurdeft of all infatuations, the imagination that a Jobber will make your fortune, sooner than he will his own. Charity it is faid begins at home; and furely the man, who is in the secret, to come the nearest road to riches, would rather chufe to travel by himself, than fhow a stranger how to take the lead from him. Ay, but they have a regard for me, it it out of esteem for my personal qualities, |