TOWARDS

AN ESSAY

ON

CONVERSATION.

I'

HAVE obferved few obvious fubjects

to have been fo feldom, or, at least, fo flightly handled as this; and, indeed, I know few fo difficult, to be treated as it ought, nor yet upon which there feemeth fo much to be faid.

Most things, purfued by men for the happiness of public or private life, our wit or folly have so refined, that they feldom fubfift but in idea; a true friend, a good marriage, a perfect form of government, with fome others, require fo many ingredients, fo good in their feveral kinds, and fo much nicenefs in mixing them, that for fome thousands of years men have despaired of reducing their schemes to perfection: But, in converfa

tion, it is, or might be otherwife; for here we are only to avoid a multitude of errors, which, although a matter of fome difficulty, may be in every man's power, for want of which it remaineth as mere an idea as the other. Therefore it feemeth to me, that the trueft way to underftand conversation, is to know the faults and errors to which it is fubject, and from thence every man to form maxims to himself whereby it may be regulated, because it requireth few talents to which moft men are not born, or at least may not acquire without any great genius or ftudy. For nature hath left every man a capacity of being agreeable, though not of fhining in company; and there are an hundred men fufficiently qualified for both, who, by a very few faults, that they might correct in half an hour, are not fo much as tolerable.

I was prompted to write my thoughts upon this fubject by mere indignation, to reflect that fo useful and innocent a plea→ fure, fo fited for every period and condition of life, and fo much in all men's

power,

power, should be fo much neglected and abused.

And in this difcourfe it will be neceffary to note those errors that are obvious, as well as others which are feldomer obferved, fince there are few fo obvious, or acknowledged, into which moft men, fome time or other, are not apt to run.

For inftance: Nothing is more generally exploded than the folly of talking too much; yet I rarely remember to have feen five people together, where fome one among them hath not been predominant in that kind, to the great constraint and disgust of all the reft. But among fuch as deal in multitudes of words, none are comparable to the fober deliberate talker, who proceedeth with much thought and caution, maketh his preface, brancheth out into feveral digreffions, findeth a hint that putteth him in mind of another ftory, which he promiseth to tell you when this is done; cometh back regularly to his fubject, cannot readily call to mind some perfon's name, holding his head, complaineth of his memory; the whole company all this while in fufpence; at

'ngth

length fays, it is no matter, and fo goes on. And, to crown the business, it perhaps proveth at last a story the company hath heard fifty times before; or, at best, fome infipid adventure of the relater.

Another general fault in conversation is, that of those who affect to talk of themselves: Some, without any ceremony, will run over the hiftory of their lives; will relate the annals of their diseases, with the several symptoms and circumftances of them; will enumerate the hardships and injuftice they have fuffered in court, in parliament, in love, or in law. Others are more dexterous, and with great art will lie on the watch to hook in their own praife: They will call a witness to remember, they always foretold what would happen in fuch a cafe, but none would believe them; they advised fuch a man from the beginning, and told him the confequences, just as they happened; but he would have his own way. Others make a vanity of telling their faults; they are the ftrangest men in the world; they cannot diffemble; they own it is a folly; they have

loft

loft abundance of advantages by it; but, if you would give them the world, they cannot help it; there is fomething in their nature that abhors infincerity and conftraint; with many other infufferable topicks of the fame altitude.

Of fuch mighty importance every man is to himself, and ready to think he is fo to others; without once making this easy and obvious reflexion, that his affairs can have no more weight with other men, than their's have with him; and how little that is, he is fenfible enough.

Where company hath met, I often have obferved two perfons discover, by fome accident, that they were bred together at the fame school or univerfity, after which the reft are condemned to filence, and to liften while thefe two are refreshing each other's memory with the arch tricks and paffages of themfelves and their comrades.

I know a great officer of the army, who will fit for fome time with a fupercilious and impatient filence, full of anger and contempt for those who are talking; at length of a fudden demand audience, VOL. XIII. decide