St. JAMES's PARK.

Col.

Lord Sparkish meeting Col. Atwitt.
WELL met, my lord.

Ld. Sparkib. Thank ye, colonel. A parfon would have faid, I hope we shall meet in heaven. When did you fee Tom Neverout?

Col. He's juft coming towards us. Talk of the devil

Neverout comes up.

Col. How do you do, Tom? Neverout. Never the better for you. Col. I hope you're never the worse : but pray where's your manners? don't you see my Lord Sparkish?

Neverout. My lord, I beg your lordship's pardon.

Ld. Sparkih. Tom, how is it, that you can't fee the wood for trees? What wind blew you hither ?

[1] "I retired hither for the publick good, "having two great works in hand: one, to reduce "the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and ftyle of "England into a fhort fyftem, for the use of all "perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of "honour, etc." Letters to and from Dr. Swift, at the end of Mr. Pope's works, letter liv. H 6 Neverout,

Neverout. Why, my lord, it is an ill wind blows no body good; for it gives me the honour of feeing your lordship.

Col. Tom, you must go with us to Lady Smart's to breakfast.

Neverout. Muft! why, colonel, muft's for the king.

[Col. offering in jeft to draw his word. Col. Have you spoke with all your friends? Neverout. Colonel, as you're ftout, be merciful.

Ld. Sparkish. Come, agree; the law's coftly.

[Col. taking his band from his hilt. Col. Well, Tom, you are never the worse man to be afraid of me. Come along. Neverout. What! do you think I was born in a wood, to be afraid of an owl ?

I'll wait on you. I hope Mifs Notable will be there; egad fhe's very handfome, and has wit at will.

Col. Why every one as they like, as the good woman faid when the kiss'd her cow.

Lord Smart's house; they knock at the door s the Porter comes out.

Lord Sparkih. Pray, are you the porter ? Porter. Yes, for want of a better. Ld. Sparkish. Is your lady at home? Porter. She was at home juft now; but she's not gone out yet.

Neverout. I warrant this rogue's tongue is well hung.

Lady

Lady Smart's antichamber.

Lady Smart, Lady Anfwerall, and Mifs Notable at the tea-table.

Lady Smart. My Lord, your lordship's

moft humble fervant.

Ld. Sparkifh. Madam, you spoke too late ; I was your ladyfhip's before.

Lady Smart. O Colonel, are you here?
Col. As fure you're there, madam,

Lady Smart. Oh, Mr. Neverout! What fuch a man alive!

Neverout. Ay, madam, alive, and alive like to be, at your ladyfhip's fervice.

Lady Smart. Well, I'll get a knife, and nick it down that Mr. Neverout came to our house. And pray what news, Mr. Never out?

Neverout. Why, madam, Queen Elizabeth's dead.

Lady Smart. Well: Mr. Neverout, I fee you are no changeling.

Mifs Notable comes in.

you

Neverout. Mifs, your flave: I hope your early rifing will do you no harm. I find are but just come out of the cloth market. Mifs. I always rise at eleven, whether it be day or no.

Col. Mifs, I hope you are up for all day. Mifs. Yes, if I don't get a fall before night.

Col.

Col. Mifs, I heard you were out of order pray how are you now?

i

Mifs. Pretty well, Colonel, I thank you, Col. Pretty and well, mifs! that's two very good things.

Mifs. I mean I am better than I was, Neverout. Why then, 'tis well you were fick.

Mifs. What! Mr. Neverout, you take me up before I'am down.

Lady Smart. Come, let us leave off children's play, and go to push-pin.

Mifs [To Lady Smart]. Pray, madam, give me fome more fugar to my tea.

Col. Oh! Mifs, you muft needs be very. good-humour'd, you love fweet things fo

well.

Neverout. Stir it up with the spoon, miss; for the deeper the fweeter.

Lady Smart. I affure you, mifs, the colonel has made you a great compliment.

Mifs. I am forry for it; for I have heard fay, complimenting is lying.

Lady Smart [To Lord Sparkifb]. My lord, methinks the fight of you is good for fore eyes; if we had known of your coming, we would have ftrown rushes for you: how has your lordship done this long time?

Col. Faith, madam, he's better in health than in good conditions.

Ld. Sparkih. Well, I fee there's no worfe friend than one brings from home with one; and I am not the firft man has carried a rod to whip himself.

Neverout.

Neverout. Here's poor mifs has not a word to throw at a dog. Come, a penny for your thought.

Mifs. It is not worth a farthing; for I was thinking of you.

Col. rifing up.

Lady Smart. Colonel, where are you go. ing fo foon? I hope you did not come to fetch fire.

Col. Madam, I must needs go home for half an hour.

Mifs. Why, colonel, they fay, the devil's

at home.

Lady Anfw. Well, but fit while you stay; 'tis as cheap fitting as ftanding.

Col. No, madam, while I'm standing I'm going.

Mifs. Nay, let him go; I promise him wẹ wont tear his cloaths to hold him.

Lady Smart. I fuppofe colonel, we keep you from better company, I mean only as to myself. Col. Madam, I am all obedience.

Col. fits down.

Lady Smart. Lord, mifs, how can you drink your tea fo hot? fure your mouth's paved. How do you like this tea, colonel ?

Col. Well enough, madam; but methinks it is a little more-ish.

Lady Smart. Oh colonel! I understand you. Betty bring the canister; I have but very little of this tea left; but I don't love to make two wants of one; want when I have it, and want when I have it not. He, he, he, he.

[Laughs. Lady