The Footman goes out again, and falls down fairs. Lady Anfw. Neck or nothing; come down, or I'll fetch you down: well, but I hope the fellow has not fav'd the hangman a la poor bour. Neverout. Pray, madam, fmoke mifs yonder, biting her lips and playing with her fan. Mifs. Who's that takes my name in vain ? She runs up to them and falls down. Lady Smart. What, more falling! do you intend the frolick 'fhould go round? Lady Anfw. Why, mifs, I wish you may not have broke her ladyfhip's floor. Neverout. Mifs, come to me, and I'll take you up.. Lady Sparkih. Well but, without a jest, I hope, mits, you are not hurt. Col. Nay, the must be hurt for certain; for you fee her head is all of a lump. Mifs. Well, remember this, colonel, when I have money, and you have none. Lady Smart. But, colonel, when do you defign to get a house, and a wife, and a fire to put her in. Mifs. Lord! who would be married to a foldier, and carry his knapsack? Neverout. Oh, madam: Mars and Venus, you know. Col. Egad, madam, I'd marry to-morrow, if I thought I could bury my wife juft when the honey-moon is over; but they fay, a woman has as many lives as a cat. L Lady Lady Anfw. I find, the colonel thinks, a dead wife under the table is the best goods in a man's house. Lady Smart. O but, colonel, if you had a good wife, it would break your heart to part with her. Col. Yes, madam; for they fay, he that has loft his wife and fixpence, has loft a tefter. Lady Smart. But, colonel, they say, that every married man fhould believe there's but one good wife in the world, and that's his own. Col. For all that, I doubt, a good wife must be befpoke; for there's none ready made. Mifs. I fuppofe, the gentleman's a womanhater; but, fir, I think you ought to remember, that you had a mother: and pray, if it had not been for a woman, where would you have been, colonel ? Col. Nay, mifs, you cry'd whore first, when you talk'd of the knapsack, Lady Anfw. But I hope you won't blame the whole fex, because fome are bad. Neverout. And they say, he that hates wo man, fuck'd a fow. Col. Oh! madam; there's no general rule without an exception. Lady Smart. Then, why don't you marry, and fettle? Col. Egad, madam, there's nothing will fettle me but a bullet. Ld. Sparkifh. Well, colonel, there's one comfort, that you need not fear a cannonbullet. Col. Why fo, my lord? Ld. Sparkih. Because they fay, he was eurs'd in his mother's belly, that was kill'd by a cannon-bullet. Mifs. I fuppofe, the colonel was crofs'd in his first love, which makes him fo fevere on all the fex. Lady Anfw. Yes; and I'll hold a hundred to one, that the colonel has been over head and ears in love with fome lady that has made his heart ake. Col. Oh! madam, we foldiers are admirers of all the fair fex. Mifs. I wish I could fee the colonel in love till he was ready to die. Lady Smart. Ay; but I doubt, few people die for love in these days. Neverout. Well, I confefs, I differ from the colonel; for I hope to have a rich and handsome wife yet before I die. Col. Ay, Tom; live horfe, and thou shalt have grafs. Mifs. Well, colonel; but whatever you fay against women, they are better creatures than men; for men were made of clay, but woman was made of man. Col. Mifs, you may fay what you please; but, faith, you'll never lead apes in hell. Neverout. No, no; I'll be fworn mifs has not an inch of nun's flesh about her. Mifs. I understumble you, gentlemen. Neverout. Madam, your humble-cum dum ble. Ld. Sparkib. Pray; mifs, when did you fe your old acquaintance Mrs. Cloudy? you and the are two, I hear. Mifs. See her! marry, I don't care whether I ever fee her again; God bless my eye-fight. Lady Anfv. Lord! why the and you were as great as two inkle-weavers. I've feen her hug you as the devil hugg'd the witch. Mifs. That's true; but I'm told for certain, fhe's no better than fhe fhould be. Lady Smart. Well, God mend us all; but you must allow, the world is very cenforious; I never heard that she was a naughty pack. Col. [to Neverout]. Come, fir Thomas, when the king pleases, when do you intend to march? Ld. Sparkish. Have patience. your friend Ned Rattle married? Tom, is Neverout. Yes, faith, my lord; he has tied a knot with his tongue, that he can never untie with his teeth. Lady Smart. Ay; marry in haste, and repent at leifure. Lady Anfw. Has he got a good fortune with his lady for they fay, fomething has some favour, but nothing has no flavour. Neverout. Faith, madam, all he gets by her, he may put into his eye and see never the worse. Mifs. Then, I believe he heartily wishes her in Abraham's bofom. Col. Pray, my lord, how does Charles Limber and his fine wife agree? Ld. Sparkih. Why, they fay, he's the greateft cuckold in town. Neverout. Neverout. Oh! but, my lord, you should always except my lord-mayor. Mifs. Mr. Neverout! Neverout. Hay, madam, did you call me? Mifs. Hay; why hay is for horfes ! Neverout. Why, mifs, then you may kifs Col. Pray, my lord, what's a clock by your oracle Ld. Sparkifb. Faith, I can't tell, I think my watch runs upon wheels. Neverout. Mifs, pray be fo kind to call a fervant to bring me a glafs of finall beer: I know you are at home here. Mifs. Every fool can do as they're bid: Make a page of your own age, and do it yourself. Neverout, Chufe, proud fool; I did but ask you. Mifs puts her hand upon her knee. Neverout. What! mifs, are you thinking of your sweetheart? is your garter flipping down? Mifs. Pray, Mr. Neverout, keep your breath to cool your porridge; you measure my corn by your bushel. "Neverout. Indeed, mifs, you lye Mifs. Did you ever hear any thing fo rude. mistake. under a Mifs. If a thoufand lyes could choak you, you |