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you would have been choaked many a day ago. Miss Arives to snatch Neverout's fruff-box.
Neverout. Madam, you missed that, as you miss’e your mother's bleffing.
She tries again, and misses. Mifs. I vow, madam, I saw something in black; I thought it was a spirit.
Col. Why miss, did you ever see a fpirit?
Miss. No, fir, I thank God, I never faw any thing worse than myself.
Nevergut. Well, I did a very foolish thing yesterday, and was a great puppy for my pains.
Miss. Very likely; for they say, many a true word's fpoke in jest.
you message! you are fit to be sent for forrow, you stay fo long by the
way: Footman. Madam, my lady was not at home, so I did not leave the message,
Lady Smart. This it is to send a fool of an errand.
Ld. Sparkish [looking at bis watch]. 'Tis past twelve a clock.
Lady Smart. Well, what is that among all
Lt. Sparkiß. Madam, I must take my leave; come, gentlemen, are you for a march
Lady Smart. Well, but your lordship and the colonel will dine with us to-day ; and, Mr. Neverout, I hope, we shall have your good company: there will be no foul elfe,
besides my own lord and these ladies ; for every body knows, I hate a Icroud ; I would rather want vittles than elbow-room: we dine punctually at three.
Ld. Sparkis. Madam, we'll be sure to attend your ladyslip.
Col. Madam, my stomach serves me instead of a clock.
Another Footman comes back.
Lady Smart. Oh! you are the t’other fel. low I sent : well, have you been with my lady Club ? you are good to send of a dead man's errand.
Footman. Madam, my lady Club begs your ladyship's pardon ; but she is engaged tonight.
Mifs. Well, Mr. Neverout, here's the back of my hand to you.
Neverout. Miss, I find, you will have the last word. Ladies, I am more yours than any
Lord Smart and the former company at three
o'clock coming to dine.
when you all did us the honour to call here: but I went to the levee to-day.
Ld. Sparkish. Oh! my lord; I'm sure the loss was ours.
Lady Smart, Gentlemen and ladies, you are come to a fad dirty house; I am sorry for it, but we have had our hands in mortar.
Ld. Sparkis. Oh! madam ; your ladyship is pleas'd to say so; but I never saw any thing fo clean and so fine; I profess, it is a perfect paradise. •
Lady Smart. My lord, your lordship is always very obliging.
Ld. Sparkish. Pray, madam, whose picture is that?
Lady Smart. Why, my lord, it was drawn for me.
Ld. Sparkish. I'll swear the painter did not flatter your ladyship.
Col. My lord, the day is finely clear'd up. Ld. Smart. Ay, colonel ; 'tis a pity that fair weather should ever do any harm [To
Neverout]. Why, Tom, you are high in the mode,
Neverout. My lord, it is better to be out of the world than out of the fashion,
Ld. Smart. But, Tom, I hear you and miss are always quarrelling : I fear, it is your fault; for I can assure you, lhe is very good-humour'd.
Neverout. Ay, my lord; fo is the devil when he's pleas'd.
Ld, Smart.' Miss, what do you think of my friend Tom?
Miss. My lord, I think he's not the wifelt man in the world; and truly, he's sometimes
Ld. Sparkis. That may be true; but yet, he that hangs Tom for a fool, may find a knave in the halter.
Miss.. Well, however, I wish he were hang'd, if it were only to try.
Neverout. Well, miss, if I must be hang'd, I won't go far to chuse my gallows ; it Mall be about your fair neck.
Miss. I'll see your nose cheese first, and the dogs eating it: but, my lord, Mr. Neverqut's wit begins to run low; for, I vow, he said this before; pray, colonel, give him a pinch, and I'll do as much for you.
Ld. Sparkish. My lady Smart, your ladyship has a very fine scarf.
Lady Smart. Yes, my lord; it will make a flaming figure in a country church.
F man comes in.
upon the table. Col. Faith, in glad of it; my belly began to cry cupboard.
Neveroit. I wish I may never hear worfe news.
Miss. What! Mr. Neverout, you are in great haste; I believe your belly thinks your throat is cut.
Neverout. No, faith, miss; three meals a day, and a good fupper at night, will fesve my turn. Miss. To say the truth, I'm hungry.
Neverout. And I'm angry; so let us beth go fight.
They go in to dinner, and, after the usual com
pliments, take their seats, Lady Smart. Ladies and gentlemen, will you eat any oysters before dinner}
Col. With all my heart [Takes an oyster]: He was a bold man that first eat an oylter.
Lady Smart. They fay, oysters are a cruel meat, because we eat them alive : then they are an uncharitable meat, for we leave no, thing to the poor; and they are an ungodly meat, becaule we never say grace.
Neverout.' Faith, that's as well said, as if I had said it myself.