you would have been choaked many a day ago.

Mifs frives to fnatch Neverout's fnuff-box. Neverout. Madam, you miffed that, as you mifs'd your mother's bleffing.

She tries again, and miffes.

Mifs. I vow, madam, I saw something in black; I thought it was a spirit.

Col. Why mifs, did you ever fee a spirit? Mifs. No, fir, I thank God, I never faw any thing worse than myself.

Neverout. Well, I did a very foolish thing yesterday, and was a great puppy for my pains.

Mifs. Very likely; for they fay, many a true word's fpoke in jest.

Footman returns.

Lady Smart. Well, did you deliver your meffage! you are fit to be fent for forrow, you ftay fo long by the way.

Footman. Madam, my lady was not at home, fo I did not leave the meffage.

Lady Smart. This it is to send a fool of an errand.

Ld. Sparkifh [looking at his watch]. 'Tis past twelve a clock.

Lady Smart. Well, what is that among all

us ?

Ld. Sparkifb. Madam, I must take my leave; come, gentlemen, are you for a march?

Lady Smart. Well, but your lordship and the colonel will dine with us to-day; and, Mr. Neverout, I hope, we fhall have your good company; there will be no foul elfe,

befides

befides my own lord and thefe ladies; for every body knows, I hate a 'croud; I would rather want vittles than elbow-room: we dine punctually at three.

Ld. Sparkib. Madam, we'll be sure to attend your ladyship.

Col. Madam, my ftomach ferves me instead of a clock.

Another Footman comes back.

Lady Smart. Oh! you are the t'other fellow I fent: well, have you been with my lady Club? you are good to fend of a dead man's errand.

Footman. Madam, my lady Club begs your ladyship's pardon; but the is engaged tonight.

Mifs. Well, Mr. Neverout, here's the back of my hand to you.

Neverout. Mifs, I find, you will have the laft word. Ladies, I am more yours than my

own.

DIA

Lord Smart and the former company at three o'clock coming to dine.

I'M

After falutations.

Lord Smart.

M forry I was not at home this morning, when you all did us the honour to call here but I went to the levee to-day.

Ld. Sparkih. Oh! my lord; I'm sure the lofs was ours.

Lady Smart. Gentlemen and ladies, you are come to a fad dirty houfe; I am forry for it, but we have had our hands in mortar.

Ld. Sparkih. Oh! madam; your ladyship is pleas'd to fay fo; but I never faw any thing fo clean and fo fine; I profefs, it is a perfect paradise.

Lady Smart. My lord, your lordship is always very obliging.

Ld. Sparkih. Pray, madam, whofe picture

is that?

Lady Smart. Why, my lord, it was drawn for me.

Ld. Sparkish. I'll fwear the painter did not flatter your ladyship.

Col. My lord, the day is finely clear'd up. Ld. Smart. Ay, colonel; 'tis a pity that fair weather should ever do any harm [To Neverout].

Neverout]. Why, Tom, you are high in the mode.

Neverout. My lord, it is better to be out of the world than out of the fashion.

Ld. Smart. But, Tom, I hear you and mifs are always quarrelling: I fear, it is your fault; for I can affure you, she is very good-humour'd.

Neverout. Ay, my lord; fo is the devil when he's pleas'd.

Ld. Smart. Mifs, what do you think of my friend Tom?

Mifs. My lord, I think he's not the wifest man in the world; and truly, he's fometimes very rude.

Ld. Sparkifb. That may be true; but yet, he that hangs Tom for a fool, may find a knave in the halter.

Mifs. Well, however, I wish he were hang'd, if it were only to try.

Neverout. Well, mifs, if I must be hang'd, I won't go far to chufe my gallows; it shall be about your fair neck.

Mifs. I'll fee your nose cheese first, and the dogs eating it: but, my lord, Mr. Neverout's wit begins to run low; for, I vow, he faid this before; pray, colonel, give him a pinch, and I'll do as much for you.

Ld. Sparkib. My lady Smart, your ladyfhip has a very fine scarf.

Lady Smart. Yes, my lord; it will make a flaming figure in a country church.

Foot

F: man comes in.

Footman. M m, dinner's upon the table. Col. Faith, m glad of it; my belly began to cry cupboard.

Neverout. I wish I may never hear worfe

news.

Mifs. What! Mr. Neverout, you are in great hafte; I believe your belly thinks your throat is cut.

Neverout. No, faith, mifs; three meals a day, and a good fupper at night, will ferve my turn.

Mifs. To fay the truth, I'm hungry.

Neverout. And I'm angry; fo let us both

go fight.

They go in to dinner, and, after the usual compliments, take their feats.

Lady Smart. Ladies and gentlemen, will you eat any oysters before dinner?

Col. With all my heart [Takes an oyster]. He was a bold man that first eat an oyster.

Lady Smart. They fay, oyfters are a cruel meat, because we eat them alive: then they are an uncharitable meat, for we leave nothing to the poor; and they are an ungodly meat, because we never fay grace.

Neverout. Faith, that's as well faid, as if I had said it myself.

Lady