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Col. Come, my lord, against you are difposed; here's to all that love and honour you.
Ld. Sparkish. Ay, that was always Dick Nimble's health. I'm sure you know he's dead.
Col. Dead! well, my lord, you love to be a messenger of ill news : I'm heartily forry; but, my lord, we must all die.
Neverout. I knew him very well : but, pray, how came he to die?
Miss. There's a question! you talk like a poticary: why, because he could live no Jonger.
Neverout. Well; rest his soul: we must live by the living, and not by the dead.
Ld. Sparkish. You know, his house was burnt down to the ground.
Col. Yes : it was in the news. Why fire and water are good servants, but they are very bad masters.
Ld. Smart. Here, take away, and set down a bottle of Burgundy. Ladies, you'll stay and drink a glais of wine before you go to
All taken away, and the wine set down, etc.
Mifs gives Neverout a smart pinch. Neverout. Lord, miss, what d’ye mean? d'ye think I have no feeling ?
Mifs. I'm forc'd to pinch, for the times are hard.
Neverout (giving Miss a pinch]. Take that, miss; what's lauce for a goose is fauce for a gander.
Miss [screaming). Well, Mr. Neverout, that ihall neither go to heaven nor hell with you.
Neverout (takes Mifs by the band). Come, miss, let us lay all quarrels afide, and be friends.
Miss. Don't be fo teizing: you plague a body io! can't you keep your filthy hands to yourself?
Neverout. Pray, miss, where did you get that pick-tooth case ?
Mifs. I came honestly by it.
Neverout. I'm sure it was mine, for I loft juft such a one; nay, I don't tell you a Tye.
Miss. No; if you lye, it is much,
Miss. What! you think every thing is yours, but a little the king has. Neverout. Colonel, you have seen
fine pick-tooth case; don't you think this is the
Col. Indeed, miss, it is very like it. Miss. Ay; what he says, you'll fwear.
Neverout.' Well ; but I'll prove it to be mine.
Miss. Ay; do, if you can.
Neverout. Why, what's yours is mine, and what's mine is my own.
Miss. Well, run on till you're weary; nobody holds you.
Neverout gapes. Col. What, Mr. Neverout, do you gape for preferment?
Neverout. Faith, I may gape long enough, before it falls into my mouth.
Lady Smart, Mr. Neverout, my lord and I intend to beat up your quarters one of these days: I hear, you live high.
Neverout. Yes, faith, madam ; I live high, and lodge in a garret.
Col. But, miss, I forgot to tell you, that Mr. Neverout got the devilishest fall in the park to-day.
Miss. I hope he did not hurt the ground: bnt how was it, Mr. Neverout? I wish I had been there to laugh.
Neverout. Why, madam, it was a place whêre a cuckold had been buried, and one of his horns sticking out, I happened to stumble against it; that was all.
Lady Smart. Ladies, let us leave the gentlemen to themselves; I think it is time to go
to our tea,
Lady Answ. and Miss. My lords and gentlemen, your most humble servant.
Lord Smart, Well, ladies, we'll wait on you an hour hence.
The gentlemen alone. Ld. Smart. Come, John, bring us a fresh bottle,
Col. Ay, my lord; and pray, let him carry off the dead men, as we fay in the army.
[Meaning the empty bottles. Ld. Sparkish. Mr. Neverout, pray, is not that bottle full ?
Neverout. Yes, my lord; full of emptinefs.
Ld. Smart. And, d'ye hear, Jobn, bring clean glasses.
Col. I'll keep mine; for, I think, the wine is the best liquor to wash glasses in.
The ladies at their tea.
Lady Smart. WELL, ladies ; now let us have a cup of
discourse to ourselves. Lady Answ. What do you think of your Friend, fir Fobn Spendall?
Lady Smart. Why, madam, 'tis happy for him, that his father was born before him.
Miss. They say, he makes a very ill hufband to my·lady
Lady Answ. But he must be allow'd to be the fondelt. father in the world.
Lady Smart. Ay, madam, that's true; for they lay, the devil is kind to his own.
Miss. I-am told, my lady manages him to admiration.
Lady Smart. That I believe, for the's as çunning as a dead pig, but not half so honest.
Lady Answ. They say, the's quite a stranger to all his gallantries.
Lady Smart. Not at all; but you know, there's none so blind as they that won't fee.
Miss. O madam, I am told, she watches him as a cat would watch a mouse.
Lady Answ. Well, if the ben't foully be. lied, the pays him in his own coin,