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all manner of things. Those words, however, came to my inind, “ Take no thought what ye shall say.' I then felt myself led to consider these words, “ Repent! for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” I found some liberty in speaking from them, and the people were affected. As I was riding back, I clearly saw I was called to stand still ; to live the present moment, and always to praise the Lord that his will was done, though I might have much to suffer. I had a clear conviction, God brought me to York: shire, and that I had a message to this people: and that notwithstanding the darkness which hung over my situa. tion, I was at present where God would have me.
Well then, answered my heart, if I am but in his will I am safe; for where the Lord leads me, there he will be my light.
September 12, Tuesday.--This day I am thirty-six years old. I have been throughout the day kept in the spirit of prayer. Lord, I offer up myself, body and soul, to thee! It came to me, Thy captivity is long. Well, I will wait thy time, O Lord !
November 5, Sunday.--Did not rise early, but was kept recollected. In the morning I was watchful as to words, but at noon I talked too long with A. T. That is an ad. mirable rule of Mr. Wesley's, never to be more than an hour in the same company, where it can be avoided. I also spoke some evil of M. M. by repeating what was not needful. O when shall I know what that meaneth, “ He that offendeth not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body."
November 12, Sunday.-Went to bed late last night, but in a degree recollected, though rather hurried with fear lest I should lie too long in the morning. When I rose, I found the weather was very severe. However, I went to A
The extreme cold almost took away my Yet we had a comfortable meeting, and many people.
January 5, 1776.-I find it very hard to be recollected in private prayer. To-day I tried the following plan with some advantage. I placed my watch on the bed, that I might know when the hour was out. I first strove to consider myself as in the presence of God as before the throne, worshipping with the heavenly host. Then I strove with recollection to repeat the Lord's prayer, giving each
sentence full scope in my mind. In the words, Our Fa. ther, I felt a powerful remembrance of Him“ after whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,” and with delight I then repeated, Hallowed be thy name! That sen. tence, Thy kingdom come, was much opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the great promise of the Father, which Christ said he would send upon his children. That indeed is the kingdom which suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” As I repeated, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, I felt
" The will of God my sure defence,
Nor earth nor hell can pluck me thence." Give us this day our daily bread. Is he not our own Fa. ther? Is he not engaged to provide for his babes ? Well then, thought I, freedom from debt is more to me than bread, and will he not preserve me from this? It was then brought to my mind, “ The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” In the next petition, Forgive me as I forgive, O! what a cry did I feel for more love! Lord,
must I say,
« That mercy I to others show,
That mercy show to me?" Ah no! I will rather cry out,
“Mercy, good Lord ! mercy I ask,
It is the total sum ;
O let thy mercy come !" “ With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again!" O how would that cut me off from all hope, were it not for those words, “The blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin !” Lead us not into temptation. How hath this prayer been answered to me! How would I have run into ruin, but thou didst not suffer the temptation to ap. proach. - Thou didst keep my powers as with bit and bri. dle, and conquered for me; and that when I did not strive, or even know my danger. But deliver us from evil. Lord, I am a desolate woman, who hath no helper but thee. O keep me from evil of every kind ; “ thoroughly purge away my dross, and take away all my tin.” For all is thine for ever and ever. This I am assured of, when the soul turns inward to seek the Lord, that moment he turns to it and smiles upon it; and if it abide with him, it will always grow. But as of a healthy child, one does not see it grow, and yet it doth ; so the soul, surrounded by temptation, may not discover its growth; nevertheless, the sun does not more freely give its light and warmth to the earth, than the beams of the immaterial Sun meet the seeking soul.
January 21.--I went to-day to see some sick, among whom was the mother of a young man, who, about four years ago, came to our Sunday night's meeting. It pleased the Lord to awaken him, and soon after he died happy. On his deathbed he entreated his mother and sister, that they would attend the meetings as he had done. Some time after, the eldest sister came to me for advice among the other patients. Conversing with her, I perceived she had some convictions, and invited her to meet with a few persons whom I had collected. She did so, and seemed to drink in instruction as the parched ground the softening shower. After a few weeks she was set at liberty. She was now desirous her mother might share in her felicity. She' begged me to visit her, as she was too infirm to come out. Accordingly I went, but found her so ignorant, and so exceedingly weak as to her understanding, that it seem. ed almost impossible to do her any good. After some time, she appeared under some concern ; and her complaint then was, to use her own words, “O that I could but get a smile from God !” Her convictions continued to increase, and she would
« ( what shall I do? Shall I never be saved? O how easily did Betty come to it, while I can. not get one smile, not one look from God! The face of the Almighty is all dark to me, as dark as darkness itself.” The Lord was then pleased to lay her on a sick bed, in a very painful disorder. Finding nothing gave her any re. lief, and believing she must die, she was in great distress, and said to her daughter, “My dear, my pain is greater than I can bear! I cannot live over this night. I pray thee go to mistress, and see if she can order me something." “O mother,” said she, “I know not how to go, we have had so much in former illnesses. I fear it will seem as if we were imposing on her ; let me go to the doctor again !" The old woman lying in great distress, at length cried out, “ Thou wilt order me a medicine, Lord! I can believe thou wilt. But shall I have no share in thy glory?" Then, as she expressed it, “ It went through my mind with power, • I will have mercy on thee! I will receive thee at the eleventh hour! O what did I then feel ! Such comfort came over me as I can never tell. I did not mind the pain; I believed it would be removed. But my soul ! O! what a change did it feel! Why, the dark face of God was all light! I thought before, that he hated me for my sins; but now I saw he loved me. Yes, I saw he had loved me all my life, and had been inviting me to come to him ; but I did not understand. And now, O! how I love him! Yes, I love my God better than I ever loved my best bairn (child.) O it is a brave thing! And what a change it makes! Why, one is quite a new crea. ture! And it has made me see things quite different from what I did before. I used to chafe and fret, when any thing went wrong, and thought things were very hard ; but now I see nothing is hard; all is love ! So I never do complain now.
Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she could) how her mother was; but her disorder was so peculiar, and so badly described, that I was on the point of saying, I cannot do any thing for her, when all at once a mixture came into my mind. I went and made
The first spoonful gave her ease; and soon after quite removed the disorder. All I can say on this extra. ordinary case is, the Lord would have it so. The medicine was not an opiate, but in itself a very simple thing; hut when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his hand ? Thou art a God who hears and answers prayer.
January 30.—Last night I met the classes at A Much of the power of the Lord was present. But, O! I
* As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of God, so it is in these his Spirit's Gospel days:-"He hides those things from the wise and prudent, and revealeth them unto babes. The weary and heavy laden, who believe,” Matt. xi, 25–30. How easy it is to forget this! How hard to keep it in remembrance, and to allow it its due weight! Did ever any man, since the days of St. Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appreciate this than Mr. Wesley? It was the principle that governed and directed his whole life and labours; and on which account he denominated the fruit of those labours, " The work of God.” A work which he began, supported, and prospered; and in respect to which Mr. Wesley, notwithstanding his unparalleled activity, always considered himself as a mere passive instrument.-ED.
am not what I would be, Lord! How is it I seem to get so slowly forward ? This morning I rose early, and found it good. Self-denial agrees with my soul, but I use too little of it.
February 4.-Last Wednesday I had a remarkable preservation. Going to take my bark mixture, my mind being much taken up with what I had been writing, I took a bottle of laudanum, which through a strange providence was not then locked up, a circumstance which seldom happens. I took four teaspoonfuls and a half of it. As soon as I had swallowed it, I perceived what it was; and thought I must take a large dose of ipecacuanha. I looked for it, but could not find it, though it stood very near me. I knew my life depended on the present moment ; and thought, perhaps the Lord has appointed to take me this way. I found my mind calmly stayed on God, and those words came across it, “ These signs shall follow those that believe: if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them.” I went into Mrs. Crosby's room, and told them what had happened. Having medicines in the parlour, we went down to look there for the ipecacuanha, but there was none. We returned to my room and found it. I took about thirty grains. We then joined in prayer. For half an hour it had no effect. I thought it would then have no power, as the opiate must in that time have taken hold of the nerves of the stomach. But it soon after operated, and brought up (it seems) both the lauda. num and ipecacuanha. Fearing the whole had not come away, they gave me another dose ; but that had no effect at all. I felt, however, not the least inconvenience. In the night, I a little rambled, and was restless, but not ill. On the whole, it was a comfortable dispensation. I had been always tempted to think, if I should be called to face death in full health, I should shrink from it. But now that I fully believed it to be just before me, my soul did calmly wait on the Lord, though not with joy, yet with quiet peace!
Last night I dreamed I was telling the Lord he was the loadstone, and my soul the needle. That his will was the north pole, to which my heart should turn, however tossed about. To-day Miss Ritchie came. I have had some profitable conversation with her. She is indeed a