and though I fay it, you have been well paid for it. Why muft the burden be taken off Frog's back, and laid upon my fhoulders? He can drive about his own parks and fields in his gilt chariot, when I have been forced to mortgage my eftate: his note will go farther than my bond.Is it not matter of fact, that from the richest tradesinanin all the country, I am reduced to beg and borrow from fcriveners and ufurers, that fuck the heart, blood, and guts out of me and what is all this for? Did you like Frog's countenance better than mine! Was not I your old friend and relation? Have not I prefented you nobly?» Have not I clad your whole family? Have you not? had an hundred yards at a time of the finest cloth in my fhop? Why muft the rest of the tradefmen be not only indemnified from charges, but forbid to go on with their own business, and what is more their concern than mine? As to holding out this term, I appeal to your own confcience, has not that been your conftant difcourse these fix years, one term more and old Lewis goes to pot. If thou art fo fond of my caufe, be generous for once, and lend me a brace of thousands. Ah Hocus! Hocus !! I know thee; not a fous to fave me from goal, I trow. Look ye, gentlemen, I have lived with credit in the world, and it grieves my heart, never to stir out of my doors but to be pulled by the fleeve by fome rafcally dun or other?" Sir, remember my bill: there is a small 66. concern of a thoufand pounds, I hope you think on it, "Sir." And to have thefe ufurers tranfact my debts at: coffee-houses, and ale houses, as if I were going to break up fhop. Lord! that ever the rich, the generous John Bull, clothier, the envy of all his neighbours, fhould be brought to compounds his debts for five fhillings in the pound; and to have his name in an advertisement for a ftatute of bankrupt. The thought of it makes me mad. I have read fomewhere in the Apocrypha, that one fhould not confult with a woman touching her of whom she is. jealous; nor with a merchant concerning exchange; nor with a buyer of felling; nor with an unmerciful man of' kindness, &c. I could have added one thing more, nor with an attorney about compounding a law-fuit. The ejectment of Lord Strutt will never do. The evidence is fcrimp; the witneffes fwear backwards and forwards,

S 3

and

and contradict themfelves; and his tenants stick by him. One tells me, that I must carry on my fuit, because Lewis is poor; another, because he is ftill too rich: whom fhall I believe? I am fure of one thing, that a penny in the purfe is the best friend John can have at laft; and who can fay that this will be the last fuit I shall be engaged in Befides, if this ejectment were practicable, is it reasonable, that when Efquire South is lofing his money to sharpers and pick-pockets, going about the country with fidlers and buffoons, and fquandering his income with hawks and dogs, I fhould lay out the fruits of my honeft industry in a law-fuit for him, only upon the hopes of being his clothier? And when the caufe is over, I fhall not have the benefit of my project for want of money to go to market. Look ye, gentlemen, John Bull is but a plain man; but John Bull knows when he is ill ufed. I know the infirmity of our family; we are apt to play the boon companion, and throw away our money in our cups: but it was an unfair thing in you, gentlemen, to take advantage of my weakness, to keep a parcel of roaring bullies about me day and night, with buzzas, and hunting-horns, and ringing the changes on butchers cleavers, never let me cool, and make me fet my hand to papers, when I could hardly hold my pen. There will come a day of reckoning for all that proceeding. In the mean time, gentlemen, I beg you will let me into my affairs a little, and that you would not grudge me the final remainder of a very great estate.

Efquire South's message and letter to Mrs Bull.

HE arguments ufed by Hocus and the reft of the guardians had hitherto proved infufficient: John and his wife could not be perfuaded to bear the expence` of Efquire South's law-fuit. They thought it reasonable,

* But as all attempts of the party to preclude the treaty were ineffectual, and complaints were made of the deficiencies of the house of Auftria, the Archduke fent a meffage and letter.

that

that fince he was to have the honour and advantage, he fhould bear the greateft fhare of the charges; and retrench what he loft to sharpers, and spent upon country dances and puppet-plays, to apply it to that ufe. This was not very grateful to the Elquire; therefore, as the laft experiment, he refolved to fend Signior Benenato *, mafter of his fox-hounds, to Mrs Bull, to try what good he could do with her. This Signior Benenato had all the qualities of a fine gentleman, that were fit to charm a lady's heart; and if any perfon in the world could have perfuaded her, it was he. But fuch was her unfhaken fidelity to her husband, and the conftant purpose of her mind to pursue his intereft, that the most refined arts of gallantry that were practifed, could not feduce her heart. The necklaces, diamond croffes, and rich bracelets that were offered, she rejected with the utmost fcorn and difdain. The mufic and ferenades that were given her, founded more ungratefully in her ears than the noise of a screech-owl; however, the received: Efquire South's letter by the hands of Signior Benenato, with that refpect which became his quality. The copy of the letter is as follows, in which you will oblerve he changes a little his ufual ftile.

MADAM,

TH

HE writ of ejectment against Philip Baboon, (pretended Lord Strutt) is just ready to pals: there want but a few neceffary forms, and a verdict or two more, to put me in the quiet poffeffion of my honour and eftate: I queftion not, but that according to your wonted generofity and goodness you will give it the finish. ing stroke; an honour that I would grudge any body but yourself. In order to ease you of fome part of the charges, I promise to furnish pen, ink, and paper, provid. ed you pay for the ftamps. Befides, I have ordered my ftewards to pay out of the readiest and best of my rents, five pounds ten fhillings a-year, till my fuit is finished.

By Prince Eugene, urging the continuance of the war,

and offering to bear a proportion of the expence.

I wish

What anfwer Mrs Bull' returned to this letter, you fhall know in the second part, only they were at a prettygood distance in their proposals; for as Efquire South only offered to be at the charges of pen, ink, and paper, Mrs Bull refufed any more than to lend her barge carry his council to Weftminster-hall.

*

to

* This proportion was however thought to be so inconfiderable, that the letter produced no other effect, than the convoy of the forces by the English fleet to Barcelona,

Law

Law is a Bottomless Pit:

O R,

The HISTORY of JOHN BULL.

PART II.

The PUBLISHER'S PREFACE.

HE world is much indebted to the famous Sir Hum-

Tphry Polefworth for his ingenious and impartiak

account of John Bull's law-fuit; yet there is just cause of complaint against him, in that he relates it only by parcels, and will not give us the whole work: this forces me, who am only the publisher, to befpeak the affiftance of his friends and acquaintance to engage him to lay afide that ftingy humour, and gratify the curiofity of the public at once. He pleads in excufe, that they are only private memoirs, wrote for his own ufe, in a loose ftile, to ferve as a help to his ordinary converfation*. I reprefented to him the good reception the first part had met with; that though calculated only for the meridian of Grub-street, it was yet taken notice of by the better fort; that the world was now fufficiently acquainted with John Bull, and interested itself in his concerns. He answered, with a smile, that he had indeed fome trifling things to impart, that concerned John Bull's relations and domeftic affairs; if thefe would fatisfy me, he gave me free leave to make ufe of them, because they would ferve to make the history of the law-fuit more intelligible. When I had looked over the the manufcript, I found likewife fome further account of the composition, which perhaps may not be unacceptable to fuch as have read the former part.

* This excufe of Sir Humphry can only relate to the second part, or fequel of the hiftory. See the preface to the first part. C. H.A.P..