they were debarred from all manner of business, and never fuffered to touch the least thing within the boufe *; if they offered to come into the warehouse, then ftrait went the yard flap over their noddle; if they ventured into the counting room, a fellow would throw an ink bottle at their head; if they came into the best apartinent, to fet any thing there in order, they were faluted with a broom; if they meddled with any thing in the kitchen, it was odds but the cook laid them over the pate with a ladle; one that would have got into the ftables, was met by two rafcals, who fell to work with him with a brush and a curry-comb; fome climbing up into the coach box, were told, that one of their companions had been there before, that could not drive; then flap went the long whip about their ears.

On the other hand it was complained, that Peg's fervants were always afking for drink-moucy; that they had more than their share of the Christmas-box to fay the truth, Peg's lads bustled pretty hard for that, for when they were endeavouring to lock it up, they got in their great fifts, and pulled out handfuls of half-crowns, fillings, and fix-pences. Others in the fcramble picked up guineas and broad-picces. But there happened a worfe thing than all this; it was complained that Peg's fervants had great ftomachs, and brought fo many of their friends and acquaintance to the table, that John's family was like to be eat out of house and home. Instead of regula ting this matter as it ought to be, Peg's young men were thrust away from the table; then there was the devil and all to do; fpoons, plates, and dishes flew about the room like mad and Sir Roger, who was now major domo, had enough to do to quiet them. Peg faid, this was contrary to agreement, whereby fhe was in all things to be treated like a child of the family; then he called upon those that had made her fuch fair promiles, and undertook for her brother John's good behaviour; but, alas! to her coft the found, that they were the firft and readi eft to do her the injury. John at last agreed to this regu

* By the teft-aft diffenters are excluded from places and employments.

Endeavoured to get their share of places.

'lation

lation; that Peg's footmen* might fit with his book-keep er, journey-men, and apprentices; and Peg's better fort of fervants might fit with his footmen, if they pleafed.

Then they began to order plumb-porridge and mincedpyes for Peg's dinner: Peg told them fhe had an averfion to that fort of food; that upon forcing † down a mels of it fome years ago, it threw her into a fit, till fhe brought it up again. Some alleged it was nothing but humour, that the fame mess should be ferved up again for fupper, and breakfast next morning; others would have made ufe of a horn; but the wifer fort bid let her alone, and the might take to it of her own accord.

CHAP. VI...

The conversation between John Bull and his wife,

Mrs Bull!

TH HOUGH our affairs, honey,are in a bad

condition, I have a better opinion of them, fince you feemed to be convinced of the ill courfe you have been in, and are refolved to fubmit to proper remedies. But when I confider your immenfe debts, your foolish bargains, and the general disorder of your business, I have a curiofity to know what fate or chance has brought you into this condition.

f. Bull. I wifh you would talk of fome other fubject ; the thoughts of it make me mad; our family must have their run.

Mrs Bull. But fuch a ftrange thing as this never hap pened to any of your family before: they have had law. fuits; but though they spent the income, they never mort gaged the flock. Sure you must have some of the Norman or the Norfolk blood in you. Paithee give me some account of thefe matters.

J. Bull. Who could help it? There lives not fuch a fellow by bread as that old Lewis Baboon: he is the most cheating contentious rogue upon the face of the

* Articles of union, whereby they could make a Scots Com-moner, but not a Lord, a Peer.

Jutroducing Epifcopacy into Scotland, by Charles I.

earth..

earth. You must know, one day, as Nic. Frog and I were over a bottle, making up an old quarrel, the old fellow would needs have us drink a bottle of his Champagne, and fo one after another, till my friend Nic, and I, not being used to fuch heady stuff, got bloody drunk Lewis all the while, either by the ftrength of his brain, or flinching his glass, kept himfelf fober as a judge. “My 66 worthy friends, quoth Lewis, henceforth let us live "neighbourly; I'am as peaceable and quiet as a lamb, "of my own temper, but it has been my misfortune to "live among quarrelfome neighbours. There is but one thing can make us fall out, and that is the inheri "tance of Lord Strutt's eftate; I am content, for 66 peace fake, to wave my right, and fubmit to any ex66 pedient to prevent a law fuit; I think an equal divifi 66 on* will be the fairest way." Well moved, old Lewis, quoth Frog! and I hope my friend John here will not be refractory. At the fame time he clapped me on the back, and flabbered me all over fron cheek to cheek, with his great tongue. Da as you please gentlemen, quoth I; it is all one to John Bull. We agreed to part that night, and next morning to meet at the corner of Lord Strutt's park-wall with our furveying inftruments, which accordingly we did. Old Lewis carried a chain and a femicircle; Nic. paper, rulers, and a lead pencil; and I follow ed at fome diftance with a long pole. We began firft with firveying the meadow ground; afterwards, we measured the corn fields, clofe by clofe; then we proceeded to the wood-lands, the copper and tin-mines. All this while Nic laid down every thing exactly upon paper, culated the acres and roods to a great nicety. When we had finished the land, we were going to break inte the house and gardens to take an inventory of his plate, pictures and other furniture.

Mrs Bull. What faid Lord Strutt to all this?

cal

7. Bull. As we had almoft finished our concern, we were accofted by fome of Lord Strutt's fervants: "Hey "day! What's here? what a devil's the meaning of all

* A treaty for preserving the balance of power in Europe by a partition of the Spanish domiuions.

t The Weft Indies.

thele

"thefe trangrams and gimcracks, gentlemen? what in "the name of wonder are you going about, jumping "over my master's hedges, and running your lines cross "his grounds? If you are at any field paftime, you "might have afked leave, my mafter is a civil well-bred "perfon as any is."

Mrs Bull, What could you answer to this?

J. Bull. Why truly, my neighbour - Frog and I were ftill hot-headed; we told him his mafter was an old doating puppy, that minded nothing of his own bufinefs; that we were furveying his eftate, and fettling it for him, fince he would not do it him felf. Upon this there happened a quarrel, but we being ftronger than they, fent them away with a flea in their ear. They went home and told their mafter*, "" My Lord, faid they, there are three "odd fort of fellows, going about your grounds with the "ftrangest machines that ever we beheld in our life: I fuppofe they are going to rob your orchard, fell your "trees, or drive away your cattle: they told us strange things of fettling your eftate: one is a lufty old fellow, in a black wig, with a black beard, without "teeth; there's another thick fquat fellow, in trunkhofe: the third is a little, long-nofcd thin man. (I was then lean, being just come out of a fit of fickness.) "I fuppofe it is fit to fend after them, left they carry "fomething away.”

Mrs. Bull. I fancy this put the old fellow in a rare tweague.

7. Bull. Weak as he was, he called for his long Toledo, fwore and bounced about the room, "'Sdeath! "what am I come to, to be affronted fo by my tradef "men? I know the rafcals: my barber, clothier, and

linen-draper difpofe of my eftate! bring hither my "blunderbufs. I'll warrant ye, you shall see day light "through them. Scoundrels! dogs! the fcum of the

earth! Frog, that was my father's kitchen-boy, "he pretend to meddle with my eftate! with my will! "Ah poor Strutt, what art thou come to at laft? Thou "haft lived too long in the world, to fee thy age and

* This partition of the King of Spain's dominions was made without his confent or even his knowledge.

"infirmity

CHAP. VII.

Of the hard fhifts Mrs. Bull was put to, to preferve the manor of Bullock's Hatch; with Sir Roger's method to keep off importunate duns*.

A$

S John Bull and his wife were talking together, they were furprized with a fudden knocking at the door: "Thofe wicked fcriveners and lawyers, no doubt," quoth John; and fo it was: fome afking for the money he owed, and others warning to prepare for the approach. ing term. "What a curfed life do I lead? quoth John. "Debt is like deadly fin: for God's fake, Sir Roger, get "me rid of the fellows." "I'll warrant you, quoth "Sir Roger; leave them to me." And indeed it was pleafant enough to obferve Sir Roger's method with thefe importunate duns; his fincere friendship for John Bull made him fubmit to many things for his fervice, which he would have fcorned to have done for himself. Sometimes het would ftand at the door with his long staff to keep off the duns, 'till John got out at the back door. When the lawyers and tradefmen brought extravagant bills, Sir Roger ufed to bargain before-band for leave to cut off the quarter of a yard in any part of the bill he pleafed ; he wore a pair of fciffars in his pocket for this purpose, and would fuip it off fo nicely as you cannot imagine. Like a true goldsmith, he kept all your holidays; there was not one wanting in his calendar: when ready money was scarce, he would fet them a telling a thousand pounds

*After the diffolution of the parliament, the finking miniftry endeavoured to fupport themselves, by propagating a notion, that the public credit would füffer if the Lord Treafurer Gedolphin was removed; the dread of this event produced it: the monied men began to full their fhares in the bank; the governor, deputy governor, and two directors applied to the Queen to prevent the change; the alarm became general, and all the public funds gradually funk. Perhaps by Bullock's Hatch the author meant the crown-lands: fee p. 241.

Manners of the Earl of Oxford.

in