CHAP XV. The fequel of the meeting at the Salutation *. W HERE I think I left John Bull, fitting between Nic. Frog and Lewis Baboon, with his arms a kimbo, in great concern to keep Lewis and Nic. afunder. As watchful as he was, Nic. found the means now and then to fteal a whisper, and by a cleanly conveyance under the table to flip a fhort note into Lewis's hand; which Lewis as fily put into John's pocket, with a pinch or a jog, to warn him what he was about. John had the curiofity to retire into a corner to perufe these billet doux + of Nic's; wherein he found, that Nic. had used great freedoms both with his intereft and reputation. One contained these words: "Dear Lewis, thou feeft clearly, "that this blockhead can never bring matters to bear: "let thee and me talk to night by ourselves at the Rofe, "and I'll give thee fatisfaction," Another was thus expreffed; "Friend Lewis, has thy fenfe quite forfaken thee, to make Bull fuch offers? Hold faft, part with nothing, and I will give thee a better bargain, I'll "warrant thee." " In fome of his billets he told Lewis, "That John Bull was under his guardianfhip; that the beft part of his ❝fervants were at his command; that he could have John 66 gagged and bound whenever he pleafed by the people "of his own family." In all thefe epiftles, blockhead, dunce, afs, coxcomb, were the beft epithets he gave poor John. In others he threatened, "That he ‡, Elquire South, and the reft of the tradesmen, would lay Lewis down upon his back and beat out his teeth, if he did "not retire immediately, and break up the meeting." I fancy I need not tell my reader, that John often * At the congrefs of Utrecht. Some offers of the Dutch at that time, in order to get the ne gotiation into their hands. Threatening that the allies would carry on the war, without the help of the English. changed changed colour as he read, and that his fingers itched to give Nic, a good flap on the chops; but he wifely mo derated his choleric temper. "I faved this fellow, quoth my beft he, from the gallows, when he run away from his last "mafter*, because I thought he was harshly treated; "but the rogue was no fooner fate under my protection, "than he began to lie, pilfer, and steal like the devil †. "When I first fet him up in a warm house, he had hard"ly put up his fign, when he began to debauch "customers from me. Then it was his constant practice "to rob my fifh-ponds †, not only to feed his family, "but to trade with the fifhmongers: I connived at the "fellow, till he began to tell me, that they were his as "much as mine. In my manor of Eaft cheap, because it lay at fome distance from conftant inspection, he "broke down my fences, robbed my orchards, and beat my fervants. When I uled to reprimand him for his tricks, he would talk faucily, lye and brazen it out, as if he had done nothing amifs. Will nothing cure "thee of thy pranks, Nic. quoth I? I fhall be forced "fome time or other to chattife thee. The rogue gut. 66 up his cine and threatened me, and was well thwack ed for his pains. But I think his behaviour at this time "worst of all; after I have almost drowned myself to "keep his head above water, he would leave me sticking in the mud, trufting to his goodness to help me out. "After I have beggared myfelf with his troublesome law-fuit, with a pox to him, he takes it in mighty dudgeon, because I have brought him here to end "matters amicably, and because I won't let him make me over by deed and indenture as his lawful cnlly; "which to my certain knowledge he has attempted fe"veral times. But, after all, canft thou gather grapes "from thorns? Nic. does not pretend to be a gentle-he is a tradefiman, a felf feeking wretch; but "how cameft thou to bear all this, John? The reafon man; *The King of Spain, whofe yoke the Dutch threw off with the affiftance of the English. ttt Complaints against the Dutch for incroachments in trade, fishery, Eaft Indies, &c. The war with the Dutch on these accounts, Y 3 " is "is plain; thou conferreft the benfits, and he receives "them; the first produces love, and the last ingratitude "Ah! Nic. Nic. thou art a damned dog, that's certain; "thou knowest too well, that I will take care of thee; "elfe thou wouldst not use me thus. I won't give thee 66 up, 'tis true; but as true it is, thou shalt not fell me, according to thy laudable cuftom." While John was deep in this foliloquy, Nic. broke out into the fol lowing proteftation. GENTLEMEN, "I believe, every body here prefent will allow me to "be a very juft and difinterested perfon. My friend "John Bull here is very angry with me, forfooth, be caufe I won't agree to his foolish bargains. Now, I "declare to all mankind, I fhould be ready to facrifice 66 my own concerns to his quiet; but the care of his in tereft, and that of the honeft tradefnen* that are em "barked with us, keeps me from entering into this com "pofition. What hall become of thofe poor creatures? "the thought of their impending ruin disturbs my night's "reft, therefore I defire they may speak for themselves. "If they are willing to give up this affair, I shan't make "two words of it.' John Bull begged him to lay afide that immoderate concern for him; and withal put him in mind, that the intereft of thofe tradefmen had not fat quite fo heavy upon him fome years ago, on a like occafion. Nic. anfwered little to that, but immediately pulled out a boatfwain's whistle. Upon the first whiff, the tradesmen came jump ing into the room, and began to furround Lewis, like fo many yelping curs about a great boar; or, to use a mo defter fimile, like duns at a great Lord's levee the morn ing he goes into the country. One pulled him by his fleeve another by the skirt, a third hollowed in his ear: they began to ask him for all that had been taken from their forefathers by ftealth, fraud, force, or lawful purchafe fome asked for manors, others for acres that lay convenient for them; that he would pull down his The allies, fencess fences, level his ditches: all agreed in one common demand, that he should be purged, fweated, vomited, and ftarved, till he came to a fizeable bulk, like that of his neighbours: one modeftly asked him leave to call him brother; Nic. Frog demanded two things, to be his por-ter and his fifhmonger, to keep the keys of his gates, and furnish the kitchen. John's fifter Peg only defired, that he would let his fervants fing pfalms a Sundays. Some defcended even to the afking of old cloaths, fhoes, and boots, broken bottles, tobacco pipes, and ends of candles. "Monfieur Bull, quoth Lewis, you seem to be a man "of fome breeding; for God's fake ufe your interest "with these meffieurs, that they would speak but one at 46 once ; for if one had a hundred pair of hands, and as many tongues, he cannot fatisfy them all at this rate.” John begged they might proceed with forne method; then they stopped all of a fudden, and would not fay a word. "If this be your play, quoth John, that we may not be "be like a quaker's dumb meeting, let us begin fome di"verGon; what d'ye think of rouly-pouly, or a country "dance? What if we should have a match at foot ball? "Lam fure we fhall never end matters at this rate." CHAP. XVI. How John Bull and Nic. Erog fettled their accounts. 7. Bull. URING this general ceffation of talk, what if you and I, Nic. fhould enquire bow money-matters ftand between us?: Nic. Frog. With all my heart, I love exact dealing; and let Hocus audit; he knows how the money was dif burfed. J. Bull. I am not much for that at prefent; we'll fettle it between ourselves: fair aud fquare, Nic. keeps friends together. There have been laid out in this lawfuit, at one time, 36,000 pounds, and 40,000 crowns: in fome cafes I, in others you, bear the the greatest proportion. Nic. Right: I pay three fifths of the greatest num be ber, and you pay two thirds of the leffer number: I think this is fair and fquare, as you call it. 7. Bull. Well, go on. Nic. Two thirds of 36,000 pounds are 24,000 pounds for your fhare, and there remains 12,000 for mine. A gain, of the 40,000 crowns I pay 24,000, which is three fifths, and you pay only 16,000, which is two fifths; 24,000 crowns make 6000 pounds; and 16,000 crowns make 4000 pounds; 12,000 and 6000 make 18.000; 24,000 and 4000 make 28,000. So there are 18,000 pounds to my fhare of the expences, and 28,000 to yours. After Nic. had bambouzled John a while about the 18,000 and the 28,000, John called for counters; but what with flight of hand, and taking from his own score, and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always on his own fide. J. Bull. Nay, good friend Nic, though I am not quite fo nimble in the fingers, I understand cyphering as well as you. I will produce you my accounts one by one, fairly writ out of my own books and here I begin with the firft. You must excuse me, if I don't pronounce the ław terms right. [John reads.] For the expences ordinary of the fuits, fees, to judges, To Efquire South's accompt for poft terminums To ditto for noli profequi's, difcontinuance, and retraxit Suits of conditions unperformed To Hocus for dedimus poteftatem To ditto for a capias ad computandum To Frog's new tenants per accompt to Hocus, for audita querela's On the faid account for writs of ejectment and diftringas. To Efquire South's quota for a return of a non eft invent. and nulla habet bona Το for a pardon in forma pauperis To Jack for a melius inquirendum upon a felo de fe Το |