others. I do again, therefore desire, that, for the sake of their dear necks, you would bestow one penful of your own ink upon them. I know you are loth to expose them, and it is, I must confess, a thousand pities that any young gentleman, who is come of honest parents, should be brought to public shame: and indeed I should be glad to have them handled a little tenderly at the first: but if fair means will not prevail, there is then no other way to reclaim them, but by making use of some wholesome severities; and I think it is better that a dozen or two of such good-for-nothing fellows should be made examples of, than that the reputation of some hundreds of as hopeful young gentlemen as myself should suffer through their folly. It is not, however, for me to direct you what to do; but in short, if our coachmen will drive on this trade, the very first of them that I do find meditating in the street, I shall make bold to take the number of his chambers, together with a note of his name, and despatch them to you, that you may chastise him at your own discretion. * I am, dear Spec, for ever your's, 6 MOSES GREENBAG, P.S. Tom Hammercloth, one of our coachmen is now pleading at the bar at the other end of the room, but has a little too much vehemence, and throws out his arms too much to take his audience with a good grace. *Alluding to the precaution of taking the number of a hackney-coach before you enter it. To my loving and well-beloved John Sly, haberdasher of hats, and tobacconist, between the cities of London and Westminster.* "WHEREAS frequént disorders, affronts, indignities, omissions, and trespasses, for which there are no remedies by any form of law, but which apparently disturb and disquiet the minds of men, happen near the place of your residence; * Dr. John Hoadly relates an anecdote of this eccentric character in the following words.-'My father, on a pressing invitation, once attended, when bishop of Bangor, one of the whig meetings at the Trumpet in Shire-lane, where Steele rather exposed himself in his zeal, having the double duty of the day upon him, as well to celebrate the immortal memory of King William, it being the 4th of November, as to drink his friend Addison up to conversation pitch, whose phlegmatic constitution was hardly warmed for society by that time Steele was not fit for it. Two remarkable circumstances happened: John Sly, the hatter of facetious memory, was in the house : and when pretty mellow took it into his head to come into the company on his knees, with a tankard of ale in his hand, to drink it off to the "immortal memory," and to retire in the same manner. Steele, sitting next my father, whispered him, “Do laugh; 'tis humanity to laugh." Sir Richard, being in the evening too much in the same condition, was put into a chair, and sent home. Nothing would serve him but being carried to the bishop of Bangor's late as it was. However, the chairman carried him home, and got him up stairs; when his great complaisance, would wait on them down stairs again, which he did, and then was got quietly to bed. Next morning he was much ashamed, and sent the bishop this distich, "Virtue with so much ease on Bangor sits, All faults he pardons, though he none commits." 'On such another occasion the waiters were hoisting him into a hackney-coach, with some labour and pains, when a tory mob was just passing by, and their cry was "Down with the Rump," &c. "Up with the Rump," cried Sir Richard to the waiters, "or I shall not get home to night." and that you are as well as by your commodious situation, as the good parts with which you are endowed properly qualified for the observation of the said offences: I do hereby authorize and depute you, from the hours of nine in the morning till four in the afternoon, to keep a strict eye upon all persons and things that are conveyed in coaches, carried in carts, or walk on foot, from the city of London to the city of Westminster; or from the city of Westminster to the city of London, within the said hours. You are therefore not to depart from your observatory at the end of Devereux court during the said space of each day, but to observe the behaviour of all persons who are suddenly transported from stamping on pebbles to sit at ease in chariots, what notice they take of their foot acquaintance, and send me the speediest advice, when they are guilty of overlooking, turning from, or appearing grave and distant to their old friends. When man and wife are in the same coach, you are to see whether they appear pleased or tired with each other, and whether they carry the due mean in the eye of the world between fondness and coldness. You are carefully to behold all such as shall have addition of honour or riches, and report whether they preserve the countenance they had before such addition. As to persons on foot you are to be attentive whether they be pleased with their condition, and are dressed suitable to it; but especially to distinguish such as appear discreet by a low-heeled shoe, with the decent ornament of a leather garter; to write down the names of such country gentlemen, as upon the approach of peace, have left the hunting for the military cock of the hat: of all who strut, make a noise, and swear at the drivers of coaches to make haste, when they see it impossible they should pass: of all young gentlemen in coachboxes, who labour at a perfection in what they are sure to be excelled by the meanest of the people. You are to do all that in you lies that coaches and passengers give way according to the course of business, all the morning in termtime towards Westminster, the rest of the year towards the Exchange. Upon these directions, together with other secret articles herein enclosed, you are to govern yourself, and give advertisement thereof to me at all convenient and Spectatorial hours, when men of business are to be seen. Hereof you are not to fail. Given under my seal of office. STEELE. THE SPECTATOR.' T. No. 527. TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4. Facilé invenies et pejorem, et pejus moratam: PLAUTUS IN STICHO. You will easily find a worse woman; a better the sun never shone upon. I AM SO tender of my women readers, that I can not defer the publication of any thing which concerns their happiness or quiet. The repose of a married woman is consulted in the first of the following letters, and the felicity of a maiden lady in the second. I call it a felicity to have the addresses of an agreeable man; and I think I have not any where seen a prettier application of a poetical story than that of his, in making the tale of Cephalus and Procris the history-picture of a fan in so gallant a manner as he addresses it. But see the letters. 6 It is now almost three months since I was in town about some business, and the hurry of it being over, I took coach one afternoon, and drove to see a relation, who married about six years ago a wealthy citizen. I found her at home, but her husband gone to the Exchange, and expected back within an hour at the furthest. After the usual salutations of kindness, and an hundred questions about friends in the country, we sat down to piquet, played two or three games, and drank tea. I should have told you that this was my second time of seeing her since marriage: but before she lived at the same town where I went to school; so that the plea of a relation, added to the innocence of my youth, prevailed upon her good-humour to indulge me in a freedom of conversation as often, and oftener than the strict discipline of the school would allow of. You may easily imagine after such an acquaintance we might be exceeding merry without any offence; as in calling to mind how many inventions I had been put to in deluding the master, how many hands forged for excuses, how many times been sick in perfect health; for I was then never sick but at school, and only then because out of her company. We had whiled away three |