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“A MERRY morning to Father Connellan ! Well, I dare strict Lent has been for the sins and follies of others, and not porth, south, east, and west, of our sweet county of Wexford, for my own. But you shall know all.” Then raising his to produce such another comfortable domicile as this of voice, he called, “ Jimmy! Jimmy Delany!" your reverence; and the proof that it is so in every respect, Thrice he shouted, and was still unanswered. " Ay," conis, that master, man, dog, cat, cow, and horse, have the same tinued his reverence, shaking his head and turning up his sleek sides and sleek looks. I wish I could say as much for eyes, “this is the cut! Job's boils and blisters were nothing some of the poor parsons.” “ Alack ! alack !" sighed Father to this! I may call and call, and have nothing but the echo Connellan in a lachrymose tone, “ you speak of what we were of my own voice for my pains. Once more I'll try, and if he rather than what we are. Poor things ! neither biped nor does'nt come then”- and, placing his mouth close to the quadruped here carries the same port as formerly. Now, how wall, he sang out, “ Jimmy Delany !" so tremendously loud, can you speak of sleek sides and sleek cheeks to me ?—to me? that the delinquent must have heard it at half a mile's disTake another glance at me: fancy me with a pink jacket and tance. At this fourth summons, shuffling, lagging steps black cap, and am I not just the cut, weight, and girth for a faltered up the hall, the parlour door opened, and the anatomy jockey? Ah! what a falling off is here,” pointing to a of a man presented itselfpaunch that he asserted, with serio-comic phiz, was lament.
So faint, so spiritless, ably diminished.
So dull, so dead in look, so woe begone. Oh, most lamentably!” cried I, entering into his humour. While gazing on him, I thought that if such a man were to “Bless me! what is the matter?' Oh, thou poor, poor dis- " draw my curtains in the dead of night,” he need not cry ciple of holy mother church! black was the fast indeed that out “fire !" to appal me. hath reduced thee to this pickle !"
"Well, Misther Delany,” began Father Connellan, “since “ Black it has been more than once, sure enough,"returned you have condescended to appear-(why don't you make the priest, laughing ; "and as I am a christianable man, this your obeisance, sirrab ?-draw back vour shovel 'foot, bob
forward your great mop-head, and how to the lady-soh, that cluded priest, dead to the world these twenty years, minding will do)-be plaised to explain how and why 1, your spiritual nothing but my breviary, the souls of my flock, the Pope's pastor and lawful master, am reduced to half my natural di- bulls, and and an occasional beaf-steak and glass of puneh, mensions, clipt of my fair proportions.' As some one was up to the secret in a trice, while you, a gay member of says”
society, are still in the dark? What direful, by me unmenBut ere the priest could proceed with his quotation, I broke tionable disease, doth these four ugly, sinful capitals spell, in with an exclamation of amazement.
L, 0, V, E?" " That spectre--plump, grinning, mutton-headed Jimmy “ Love!-Ha! ha! ha! So Jimmy, poor Jimmy, is a Delany! who used to wish for a gold chain but long enough lover! Oh, Cupid, thou urchint,' as thy woe-begone disciple to encircle the disc of his face twice, and it would be as long calls thee, thou wert not blind, but blind-folded; thou stolest as the chain of my lord mayor of Dublin? Impossible! No, a peep, and the barbed dart that rankles in the heart of poor no! Reverend father, you may make me believe much; you Jimmy was directed with laughter-loving malice !" are a man of mystery and mirth, potent and pleasant; but “Pray tell me, reverend Father, was the heroine-for heroine you will hardly bring me to believe that that shadow repre. she must have been, to have achieved such a victory over sents my plump and good-humoured old acquaintance Jimmy dullness-a living woman ? or did she smite him through the Delany." "I have my doubts too,” said his reverence. pages of a book ? for I recollect his reading mania at one
All this time the ghost-like subject of our observations time.” stood mute and motionless, gazing at me with lack-lustre Arm yourself with the seven-fold fence of patience for eyes, in which there was no beam of recognition. Indeed, he half an hour, and I shall tell you all I know of the matter. seemed dubious of his own identity; for when I refused to But I must begin with the beginning, according to the method acknowledge him, he passed his hand deliberately and cau- of all story-tellers. Now, a pinch of Lundy, a preliminary tiously over his face and person, much in the way a blind man hem! and here goes :would do; and it was a considerable time before he ventured “ About five years come Michaelmas, I buried my old houseto assert " that he was Jimmy Delany still--if not in flesh keeper Nell Gray-I was going to say with military honours, and blood, at laist in skin and bone.”
for she was quite a trooper of a woman--but with the honours “Alas ! and has it come to this with thee, Jimmy? I re- due to a faithful deserving servant which she was, and a cognise thy voice, though somewhat tremulous and less sten. treasure in a family, especially for dressing beef-steaks. But torian than of old, and I would fain inquire for what unheard as I saw even in her a good deal of the tricks of the sex (exof crime has this severe penance been imposed upon thee ?-- cuse me), I was determined to have no more womenkind the direst that the dire church can inflict, it must have been ! about me. I therefore set about searching for a good, quiet Hast thou made a pilgrimage with unboiled peas in your lad, who would be tractable enough to learn to do all the shoes, my poor, poor Jimmy?"
ordinary work of the house; and my wishes being made “Speak, sirrah I” cried the priest,
known to my flock, boys of all ages and sizes soon clustered "Must I tell the thruth, sur ?" asked the spectre, redden- about me like sparrows round a wheat stack. Out of twenty. ing, and scratching his head in a dilemma.
five 'cute-looking chaps, I chose our friend Jiminy Delany, At this juncture I perceived that the person appealed to to the rapturous delight of his mother, a widow, who, as she could hardly command gravity to answer the important brought her precious son to me, with a shining Sunday face, query addressed to him, and, but that a fit of coughing came and a clean shirt-or at least a collar-assured me that though to his aid, alas for the decorum of Father Connellan!
her Jimmy was the laist taste slow at takin' up the larnin', “You are a good boy, Jimmy," said his reverence with be- yit wanst he got a hoult ov it, it was he that would take the coming sedateness, when the teasing cough had subsided; hoult in airnest ! "a very good boy to apply to me ere you answered a ques- * Very well,' said I, ‘he is slow, but sure; the very sort I tion under circumstances which induce you to conceal the wảnt. Your quick people forget as soon as they learn.' truth if you could. But, my poor, poor fellow, as I have said Well, Jimmy entered on his service, and, egad, ere the and thundered forth a hundred times from the pulpit, Truth first day closed, I found that his mother had told truth to the should be spoken at all times, however painful to us; and it letter! He was 'slow,' sure enough, and it was equally true is especially necessary on this occasion, as I perceive a some that the hoult he took was a “hoult in airnest;' but the perthing like a fling at the discipline of our church; because, tinacious hoult' was a hold of any eatable that fell in his forsooth, you have dwindled from a mould four to a farthing way, for he was a furious eater-God bless us ! By and candle! Tell the truth and shame the devil."
bye, I found out more of Jimmy's perfections, and I landed Thus admonished, with a desperate effort poor Jimmy pro- my sagacity in having discovered and appropriated such a ceeded to inform me that the cause of all his woe and waste
Happy old parish priest!' ejaculated I in an ec. of flesh was“ Betsy Kelly, an' the urchint". Here he stacy, 'thou hast but one servitor in this teeming world, and stuck fast, and I waited in vain for the finishing of the sen- the head of that chosen attendant admits but of one isolated tence. I next looked to the merry priest for an explanation, idea for a time, which 'idea,' be it never so extravagant, rules but I found that it was equally fruitless to expect one from his brains, words, and actions, as certainly and despotically him then. He had fallen back in his chair, in a fit of (to me as the moon rules the tides !' inexplicable) laughter; and the confused Delany, still more Into that head, by dint of hammering at it day and night, confounded, took the opportunity to escape from the room, his mother had instilled the “idea' that he was to renounce saying, as he retreated, “I'll lave it all to his rivirince !-let his old habits, playmates, and plays, as surely as he was to him tell what he will I won't deny it." “ A fair stage for a fling away his old clothes, and henceforth to think of nothing fertile imagination, Father Connellan ?" said I.
but of being a faithful diligent man-of-all-works to his reverEgad, there is no occasion for a fertile imagination in ence the priest. In fine, in words suited to his capacity, he this case," he replied. “Too true it is that the drama of was told that he was to forget the idle gorsoon, and to put on every-day life surpasses that exhibited on the stage. Now, here the sarvint boy. For a week this song was sung to him in a is my poor Jimmy--fiddle-string, I may call him, because I variety of tones, without producing any other effect on Jimmy play upon him daily, and he is almost reduced to one. If an than causing a grin. At last, . Ov all works, mother ?' quoth actor ever so clever were to show off his blunders and ab- he. Bedad I thinks I'll have somethin' to do. Howsonsurdities on the stage, he'd be pelted to a mummy, or hooted dever, since I must be a sarvint, why it's best to begin.' And into a coal-hole for the rest of his days, for attempting (mind) thenceforward he laid his whole soul to the task; and so earnest to impose on a discerning public with an outrageous carica- and anxious was he, that in little more than three months be ture of nature.
could do a few things decently without having me perpetually Baithershin ! let them come to Father Connellan's cabin pinned to his tail, and in a year he went through the routine for a week, and I'll promise them more amusement for no- of household affairs without a blunder, not one thought or thing than they could get at the theatre in a year, and pay wish interfering with his business. Like the churning-horse dearly for it. But the farce is drawing to a conclusion now. of my neighbour Giles, he plodded over the dull ground al.
Farce, call you it? My good sir, to look at poor Jimmy, lotted for him without grumbling, and without being conscious I should suppose he has been enacting a very deep tragedy that any other mode of life might produce equal happiness. indeed, and that the bowl or dagger must end it.”
Happy being! contented, stolid Jimmy Delany! “Or a marl-hole, or his garters,” said his reverence laugh- Things were going on thus smoothly with master and man,
" But is it possible,” continued he, “ that you have not while the mother was inwardly and outwardly fretting. She dived into the mygtery yet? Is it possible that I, a poor sea I expected by this time that her boy was taking a short cut
towards being a learned man, if not a janius all out; and great Just about the time that he set up to study for himself, I was her dismay when she heard the truth! So she comes to was much in want of a pair of new inexpressibles. My vel. me with her humble petition that I would be plaised to en- veteens were much the worse for wear, and I was determined lighten her gorsoon's brains.' 'I fear that is what no mortal to have a bran-new pair for the ensuing Sunday. So I sent, can do,' said I, “but I will do my best for him.' Indeed, I very thoughtlessly indeed, the said student Jimmy Delany was attached to the creature, and I thought it my duty to en- with an order to Bryan the tailor to get the requisite stuff at deavour to stretch his capacity if I could; and, accordingly, a certain shop. Unfortunately I did not specify any particuI bought a Primer, and set him to learn his letters. Oh! it lar colour or material, thinking naturally that all the world was the unfortunate moment that I did so! From that hour knew the colours and materials fitting for clergymen; but the the man has never been himself; the four walls of my quiet shopkeeper and tailor-neither very much wiser than my house have been eternally frightened with strange sounds; messenger, I fancy-were quite astray, and in their dilemma and I have never had a comfortable meal since. A new “idea' they applied to my man-of-all-works for information. Alas! displaced the old one:- he was no longer a sarvint, but a they knew little of poor Jimmy. They knew not that he was schollard ;' business was nearly suspended; and when strong then under the dominion of one idea'—that he was a learned custom, or my stronger reproofs, so far prevailed that he schollard, and not a sarvint. could not help going over the most urgent of the household Now be it known to you that his then study was the Uni. employments, it was not with even-handed justice; for, let versal Spelling Book (I believe he had it in his pocket at the the left hand be occupied as it might, the right was sure to time), in which is the story of the town in danger of being clutch the book; so that every day and every hour he might besieged. The mason, the currier, and the carpenter, give be taken for a clumsy leaden personification of Knowledge their opinion as to the best method of fortifying it, and each, extending the volume to the uninitiated, till the strange sounds of course, with an eye to self-interest. The mason recomissuing from the blubber lips destroyed the illusion.
mends stone, the carpenter oak, and the currier leather. These strange sounds were first heard when he had sur. Well, at the instant of the shopkeeper's and tailor's des mounted the Alps of the alphabet, and attacked the A, B, liberations on my wearables, Jimmy stood at the shop-door, abs ; and from morning till night I could obtain no reply to staring up and down the street, as far as it was in his ken; any question I asked him, without having a string of abs and and when the tailor appealed to him to know what sort of obs tacked to it, till my brains and patience could scarce inexpressibles did his masther ordher,' honest Jimmy, thinking bear the repetition. Soon after, still sailing away on the but of the 'town in danger of being besieged,' answered in stream of learning, that notable piece of literature the ‘Read the words of the currier, 'take my word for it, there is no. a-made-aisy' got into his hands, of which he made such ex- thing like leather.' cellent use, that in a few days he could append a sort of poeti. • Leather l'echoed the shopkeeper. cal illustration to his replies, according as my queries were * Leather !' screamed the tailor. shaped, and sometimes he let fly a squib at me through their Ay, repeated Jimmy decidedly, there is nothing like medium. I'll give you a sample of our colloquies :
leather !' · Ah, then, Jimmy, did you shoot any birds this morning ?' Welll patience is a virtue. Were it not that the gentle
One big fella, sur, choke-full ov the currans,' quoth Jimmy, spirit had made my half-starved frame her tabernacle, I bringing in as chorus, · A was an archer that shot at a frog.' should have been a tenant for Bedlam on the succeeding Sa
Well, what shall we have for dinner to-day, Jimmy?' turday night, when the rascal Bryan brought himself and his • Mait to be sure, sur-B was a butcher that kept a big dog.' green bag, with a sort of grin, into my parlour, and untying
• Right, Jimmy, well thought of! Down with you as fast it, shook out before my amazed eyes a dashing pair of as you can to Doyle the butcher's, and see what meat he has you shall hear what, presently. got. I think our friend the constable will dine with me to-day.' • They're a very neat piece of work, Bryan,' said I, ex
* I will, sur,' said Jimmy. C was a captain all covered amining them without much interest, thinking they could not with lace.'
possibly be for me ; they seem to be well seamed and stitched * And,' continued I, “as my dinner wont be very splendid, for aught I know, and I only hope for your sake that they will and I'm sure to have it very vilely cooked, I'll bring forth a fit him for whom you have made them.' bottle or two of my supernaculum--the rale mountain dew.' • I hope so too, sur,'quoth the tailor, smirking complacently.
Ay, ay, sur,' responds Jimmy. •D was a drunkard that Be plaised to thry them on sur, an' I'll engage they'll fit to had a red face.'
the peelin' ov an ingin.' There was a good hit of stupidity! By the staff of St Pa- • Pooh, pooh,' returned I, good humouredly, still in the dark, trick, the patron of drunkards, it was the keenest cut I ever "what use in my trying them on? Indeed, if they had come in received in my life, and the innocence with which it was spo- my way thirty years ago, and the red rogue in full chase, I ken gave it double effect. I fairly blushed, and dropped would'nt say but I'd pop them on, priest or no priest ; but my face over my breast like a great bursting peony whose now there's no use in talking about them. Hand me out the stalk is too weak to support it. Ah! my friend, happy would velvets, and let me try them on.' I have been to endure those little embarrassments-however . The velvets, yer rivirince ?' unbecoming for me to blush-did I foresee the losses, crosses, "Ay, the velvets, Sir Tailor; and I hope those you bring confusions and contusions which followed in the train of this me now are roomier than the last pair.' comet, and which I might have expected, for I partly concur Oh, faix, sur,' cried the fellow, still shaking the unmen. in the old opinion that the fiery prodigies of the heavens prog- tioned unmeniionables at me, those are roomy enough in all nosticate dire disasters to man; and the eccentric course of conscience, for I thought as how you would'nt like them quite this hairy star' in this little world of mine called Ballygrish to the skin.' And there he stood, holding forth his wearwas equally portentous. But hitherto he had kept within ables, and expatiating in their praise ; and there I stood ex. bounds. So long as he believed himself the schollard and I pecting my velvets---but in vain! I caught up the bag, and the schoolmaster, he conducted himself according to the be- turning it inside out, I found I had nothing more to expect lief; and the most fault-finding teacher could not complain of those forbidden ones were for me! Jimmy's want of diligence. Indeed, he rehearsed his lesson • What colour are these in day-light?' asked I, in that still much oftener than necessary, in season and out of season, in calm that precedes the tempest. bed and out of bed, and that in such a thundering tone, that • Aniligant yellow, sur l' responded the stitcher with alacrity, I told him his constant petition to hear him his task' was his countenance brightening with hope. unnecessary, as I always 'heard' him sufficiently well, though And thou vile fraction of a man!' thundered I in full stone walls were betwixt us. But once he became indepen- storm, and darting a withering scowl that almost put the dent of an instructor, once he was quit of my assistance, I do little animal into the earth, 'hast thou no more reverence for assure you severe chastisement was frequently necessary to thy church than that, to suit thy petty interests, thou wouldst restrain his lunacies, and I much wonder how his skull bore see thy venerable parish priest, of seventy-six, figure in a the thumps and cracks which from day to day I was obliged pair of yellow buckskin breeches, like a huntsman or postilion ? to inflict, in lieu of shaving and blistering, to moderate the Away with them, sirrah, or by the soul of your grandmother brair fever of the imagination of the ascendant idea.' in purgatory—where she shall stay those hundred years for
I put up with various annoyances and inconveniences with your assurance_these same breeches shall case your own diadmirable patience and temper, and which I shall not now minutive limbs to-morrow, and you placed upon the altar as stop to particularize ; but one affair I cannot pass over, as an exhibition, with Tally-ho! in capitals upon your back. it made a haul on my purse, and I'll relate it.
What a beautiful spectacle for the congregation !
Soon I had the dismayed stitcher upon his knees, deprecat- and began to paddle with might and main for shore ; but as ing my wrath, and recounting the particulars I have already the stones flew thicker and faster, hopping off his head and related in explanation ; ending with my backward blessing shoulders, whacking, banging, cracking at all sides of him, on Jimmy Delany!' intending of course that all my ire should he lost all self-command, dropped his oar, and finally, in fall upon the real delinquent. And so it would, but that there floundering about, and starting from one end to the other, in is something in the very name Jimmy Delany that invaria- his confusion to avoid the stones, the boat turned keel upbly mollifies me. I knew he did nothing out of malice or mis- wards, and the captain disappeared to the bottom, yelling all chief, but from the greatest simplicity; and when I demanded sorts of murdher!' And I can assure you, my gentleman to see the book he was then busy with, and his thumb-marks forgot all ideas but that plain Jimmy Delany was on the point pointing to the town in danger of being besieged,' I was at of being smothered, and no sailor with a shark in his wake home in the matter at once. But I had to pay for the leather, ever showed more dexterity: Nobly did he buffet and plunge, and the tailor for making the breeches, which I lost afterwards and kick and puff for his life, till he got to dry land, where I at a game of backgammon with Squire Hooligan.
was ready to receive him. About a month afterwards, a nephew of mine, a midship- • Are you safe, captain ?' inquired I in a tone of much comman, came on a visit to me, bringiug with him some volumes of miseration. Cook's Voyages. These books seemed to have a fascinating • Och, masther jewel !' quoth Jimmy ruefully, his teeth charm for him, but it was nothing to the charm they had for chattering between fright and cold, • I never was so near Misther Delany. It was downright idolatry—he knelt to death in my life! I was well-nigh smothered between the eels them, I believe I know he slept with them, ate with them, and and the mud at the bottom of that curst marl-hole!' drank with them, and finally became so incorporated with the • Ah! my Jimmy,'observed I pathetically, “ we should never work--he was its hero! Yes! all the old ruling passions' meddle with unknown elements. See how uncertain is the life were clean forgotten, and Captain Cook was lord of the as- of a sailor !-one moment floating majestically on the bosom cendant. Ons how the young seaman langhed, and roared, of the ocean, and the next at the bottom with the fishes.' and flung himself on the ground again and again, in ecstacies • Thrue for ye, masthur darlint !' replied my man, once of mirth, when he discovered what a jewel of a shipmate more my man; and home I drove my man before me, covered Providence had provided for him in an old priest's house in with mud, as if he was preparing a cast of his beautiful perthe country, where he had expected little but long faces and son; and so efficacious were the stoning, the ducking, my long fasts !-how he kicked up his heels in all the obstrepe- lecture, and the shouts of laughter his appearance raised rousness of a sailor's joy! Still the ludicrous perfections of amongst the workmen and neighbours, that I had soon the pleamy poor Jimmy unfolded themselves-still his matchless sim. sure to see him return to his original “idea' that he was sar. plicity, his inconceivable infatuation under the dominion of vint man to the priest,' and become undividedly attentive. the new 'idea,' became apparent! And no wonder ; for surely But I believe this life is to be one of change and crosses. his wholesale assumption of the renowned navigator, his No sooner had I sat myself down with the hope of peace and pompous action, and conversations in character, and the total ease for the rest of my days, than there comes another, and and absolute oblivion of all former ties and duties, altogether the greatest of all annoyances, the more so that it was totally were enough to raise laughter under the ribs of Death, and unexpected. No! I never dreamt that Jimmy Delany would was almost too much for the living. If I asked him, after become a lover ! and when I did become aware of the state of several hours' daily absences, where he had been, his prompt affairs, I was as much a stricken deer as himself--paralyzed, reply would be, 'at New Zealand,' or Otaheite.' And if I bewildered what to do or say under the circumstances. begged to know what he had been doing in these favoured I will not trouble you with a detail of the first symptoms I places, I was instantly told, “getting in a supply of fresh observed, nor a description of the many outrageous blunders water and provisions for the ship's company, and this with an he committed under the influence of this worst of all ideas' earnestness of look and manner absolutely irresistible. “So, but one—and here it is :so,' I would then say, convinced of the infatuation, and letting It was on a Thursday: I had ordered a beef-steak for din. things take their course, 'I perceive I have got the illustrious ner. You know it is my favourite dish, and that I am partiCaptain Cook in my house. I thought the great man had cular to have it dressed to a turn. I had taught Jimmy the disappeared from earth long ago : but in this age of miracles, art; but warned by late failures and mistakes, I called in one either through the power of steam, or a galvanic battery, here of the neighbours' wives to have an eye to Jimmy while dressing he is again, and I must make his stay as agreeable as pos- dinner. Well, at the hour appointed the dinner smoked on sible. Pray be seated, captain; and if not too much trouble, the table sure enough, and, tucking a napkin under my chin, I would be delighted to hear some of your adventures.' I sat down richly to enjoy ;' when lo! a loud scream, or
Down would Jimmy seat himself, and out would come a rather yell, from the kitchen, startled me, and the next instant fluent description of the different places he had 'touched at,' in rushed Mrs Flanagan, with outstretched arms, apparently the customs and manners of the different islands, the ferocious panic-stricken. looks of some savages, and the gentle countenances of others ; Oh, holy Mary! did you ait any ov it yet, sir ?' she asked the birds, beasts, fruits, flowers, &c. &c. ; and I do declaro in breathless haste. to you I desired no higher entertainment. For whole hours • Eat what?' demanded I, surprised. would I sit listening to him ; and the captain, gratified by my "That thing in the dish,' screamed she. attention, and utterly unconscious of anything ludicrous, con. “No,' said I grufily, and angry at the unseasonable intertinued from day to day to pour forth his wonderful discoveries ruption. for my amusement.
* Nor never shall, plaise God,' exclaimed she, striding over, Meanwhile I missed a fine bathing-tub, a fine spacious fel- and advancing her profane hands to seize the dish, whilst 1, low, in which I could float as comfortably as in a little lake. holding it with one hand, motioned her off with the other, as I I made various inquiries about it, but could hear nothing of it. angrily desired her to leave the room, and leave me to my meal I even spoke of it in the chapel, but all to no purpose. How- in peace. ever, one day as I was returning from seeing a sick person, Never, by the hob !' exclaimed the determined vixen ; . I'll I came upon an unfrequented path that led by the side of a never quit till I get that thing in the dish ; and here I'll stay large and deep marl-hole, about half a mile from my house ; -and there she staid in audacious determination. My mind and as I got on a height over it, what should I see but my began to misgive me that there was something the matter with bathing-tub floating majestically on the water, a pole stuck up what I was so pertinaciously defending ; so I raised the corer in the middle, with a red handkerchief by way of a flag, and a of the dish. There lay a substance black as the ace of spades. person seated at one end with another pole for steering! With So, so!. I began, 'here is a fine morsel for a hungry man! half an eye I saw who it was, and I took measures accordingly. --here's frying with a vengeance! Woman, woman I cried I alighted from my horse, and, getting behind a clump of ash- I solemnly, and turning to my obtrusive companion with the trees, quite unnoticed by the navigator, who was enjoying the dignity of a man who had received a mortal affront, but who fineness of the day, I gathered up all the large stones I could yet had some feeling of God-like charity- Woman, woman! find into a heap beside me, and, taking deliberate aim, I let is there never to be any dependence on your sex? I am fly two or three huge ones at the stern, in which the captain wasted to a thread; I am worked to a skeleton ; and I think was seated. At the first assault he started, and looked about this carcase hath need of a little indulgence on one day out of in every direction, quite thunderstricken and alarmed ; at the seven. I pay sixpence a pound for a tender, delicate rumpsecondo volley, as none of them had hit himself as yet, he steak, and I call you in to superintend the dressing of it, decishouted in character, “ The natives ! the natives are upon us !'' dedly telling you to have it done the colour of your own skin,
and no darker (dark enough in all conscience). But here ever sufficient to show that it does not actually do so. He is it is now-neither Bedford-brown, Vandyke-brown, Ade-a nocturnal animal, that is to say, he sleeps during the day, laide-brown, nor Flanagan-brown, but a sapless, fatless, cin- and at the approach of evening, leaves his habitation in search der black! Nevertheless, such is my resignation under of food ; yet nocturnal though his habits, and however closely all trials, I shall endeavour to make a meal of it, if possible: he may in that respect resemble the predacious tribes, the food do you but leave me in peace—vanish !' and I muttered some of the badger is of such a description that its appropriation words in Latin, and gave two or three figurative flourishes injures no one, but is on the contrary productive of great be. with my hands, by way of letting her think I was performing nefit to the agriculturist, consisting as it does chiefly, if not some important ceremony of the church, at which her absence solely, of roots and reptiles, as frogs, worms, grubs, beetles, would be necessary. But she stuck fast.
&c. The badger is, as far as I have been able to discover, Why, thin, indeed, sur,' she persisted, "if you war to monogamous, lives affectionately with his mate and little ones praich Latin an' Greek from this till mornin', you'll never in his secluded burrow, and in his deportment to them displays convart an ould black wisted stockin' into a beef-staik !' feelings of ardent devotion and disinterested attachment which A what, woman, in the name of heaven !'
many of this poor creature's biped persecutors would do well •I said it, sur—a black wisted stockin' into a beef-staik.' to imitate. I stuck my fork into the black substance plentifully covered The common badger is about as large as a middle-sized dog, with onion and gravy. I held it up: it was long, and, like from two feet to two feet and a half in length, exclusive of Italy, shaped like a boot; and however it might appertain to '. 'ail, and about a foot or fifteen inches high. He weighs the leg, it had nothing whatever to do with the rump-steak I .. twenty to thirty-five pounds, sometimes even more I had bought in the morning.
aw a badger in Edinburgh about six years ago which weighed Ay,' sighs Mrs Flanagan sentimentally, sitch things orty-seven pounds ; such a growth is however very rarely atcomes ov love an' larnin' ! I was mendin' a pair ov yer reve. tained. In coat the badger presents a remarkable peculiarity. rence's black stockins at the kitchen-table, where Jimmy was Among nearly all mammiferous animals the dorsal region of dhressin' the dinner. One of the workmen called me out in a the body is of a darker or deeper colour than the under parts, hurry, an' I threw the stockin' out of my hands upon the or ventral region. The colour of the badger is on the contable: it fell upon the dish. Jimmy turned his head about for trary greyish above and black underneath. The fur of the bada minnit, and the dog snapped up the mait, an' carried it off. ger is thick, rough, and by no means glossy; the skin, with the When Jimmy looked round agin, he seen a black thing lyin' hair on, is dressed and manufactured into pistol cases. The on the dish, an' the crathur's eyes, bein' blinded with this same skin of the head and face may be frequently seen forming the love an'larnin', he pours the gravy on the top ov it, an' sporran" or purse which depends from the girdle of the Scotcarries it off to table So there's the explanation.'
tish highlander ; and the hairs of the tail are in great request I still held up the black stocking on the point of my fork: I for the manufacture of paint and lather brushes. The badger gazed on it in silence : but the blood was boiling in my veins, is an inhabitant of all the temperate parts of Europe and Asia. and I was on the eve of righteously overwhelming all that bad In Great Britain and France it is searcer, from the assiduity animal life near me with a fearful burst of volcanic passion, with which it is hunted and destroyed. Doctor Richardson when my frenzied eye caught a glimpse of a face at the half- has identified various new species in his account of the zooopened door. It was a side-face: the mouth and chin had logy of the arctic regions. As the object of the present paper dropped as if in death, the goggle eyes were fixed and up- is however a sketch of the European animal, I shall not notice turned in all the rigidity of despair-not drops, but streams of any other at present, but merely refer such of my friends as perspiration ran down the pallid jaws : motion seemed anni. may feel curious on the subject, to Doctor Richardson's splenhilated, the senses defunct; and one loud, angry word would did work entitled “ Fauna Boreali Americana.” have been a cannon-ball through the heart of poor Jimmy, had In his internal conformation the badger presents two renot Mercy or Momus tickled my risibilities at the critical markable features, namely, in the first place a peculiar formoment, and a long, loud burst of irrepressible laughter mation of jaws, which not merely enables him to retain a firm closed the scene, and saved his life! At the first burst the hold of whatever object he seizes with his teeth, but absolutely delinquent fell on his knees, clasped his hands together, and lock in such a manner, that he himself does not always poslooked imploringly at me, and in that humble posture remained sess the power of instantaneously unclosing them; and, setill I got breath to say 'I forgive you.”
condly, a pouch or bag placed just below the tail, whence Now, my friend, tell me can flesh and blood, especially de- exudes a thick and fetid substance. It is upon this that the dicated to the service of the church, put up with such treatment strong smell given forth by this animal depends. long? Impossible. In addition to my fastings and mortifications
I had once
badger in my own possession, and the study on principle, is it not the deuce to be obliged to fast for folly? of his habits afforded me much interest and gratification. He I bave played many a trick on Jimmy, but he is ever more was more than half grown when I obtained possession of him, than even with me. I can get no good of him. But this and I can assure my readers that the task of taming him I am resolved on: come weal come woe, Jimmy Delany and was no sinecure. The first agent I employed for effecting Betsy Kelly shall be man and wife on Monday next, and I his domestication was hunger. I kept him fasting for three bespeak your company at the wedding.'
whole days, allowing him only a little water in his bowl, which Agreed; and I think, reverend Father, this is the very humanity would not suffer me to deny him. Starvation, how. best idea that has been struck out by you, or JIMMY DELANY." ever, did not produce any immediate good effects, and the ani.
M. G. R. mal remained as fierce and irreconcileable as ever. It would
but needlessly occupy the readers' time were 1 minutely to reTHE COMMON BADGER.
count the process of taming him ; let it suffice to refer them to my late
papers in this Journal on the taming of animals. Of all the animals with which man has become acquainted, and I followed the rules therein laid down, and I had the satisover which he has succeeded in establishing his dominion, none faction of finding them ultimately successful, after from six to have had greater cause to deprecate his tyranny, and to ex. eight months of anxious care, enlivened occasionally by the claim, had they the gift of speech, against his wanton barba- variety of a severe bite, a casualty for which every practical rity, thau the unfortunate creature whose simple and unoffend zoologist must be prepared, and at which it would be ridicu• ing habits I have selected for the subject of the present paper. lous for him to grumble. I have only to observe, that were
With the appearance and form of this animal most of my any one to present me with a hundred pounds for the mark of readers are doubtless tolerably acquainted, as it is a pretty every gash received by its teeth, of which the scars still recommon inhabitant of this country, and would be still more main on my hands and legs, I should be tolerably rich. abundant, were not its numbers checked by that barbarous and After about eight months, however, he gave up his practice brutal amusement, badger-baiting, to which, despite the in- of constantly biting when attempted to be handled, unless terference of the laws, hundreds yearly fall victims. In ge- under great provocation or excitement, and was not merely so neral appearance as well as internal structure the badger ap. gentle as to be with safety indulged with partial liberty, but proximates closely to the bear, and may, I think not unaptly, would come and go when I called him or drove him from me, be regarded as the existing representative of that once for- would feed from my hand or mount upon my knee, and was, midable denizen of the wilds of our native land. Like the moreover, soon afterwards entrusted with entire liberty with bear, the badger walks upon his heels, and his legs being very out any danger of his running away. He was a very cleanly short, and his hair remarkably thick and long, his belly ap- creature, carefully scraping into one end of his cage whatever pears almost to touch the ground; a little observation is how. ' unpleasant matters might collect in it, and he always contri